Too much noise causes confusion. Noise can be anything that distracts us from being productive, whether in our relationship or life in general. Yelling and negative body language both fall into that category. It is more difficult to arrive at a solution when we are unable to concentrate or remain focused. Our natural instinct, to defend our position, usually results in confusion. When couples find themselves in a pretty intense disagreement, focusing on the right action to take is never easy.
It’s torturous to be still and quiet when we feel personally attacked. But coming out swinging, failing to listen and only focusing on our own agenda will eventually ruin the relationship. Couples must search for creative ways to communicate, especially when we find ourselves in conflict. Listening is always the greatest strength we can display during the most heated of moments. As a child, I was always told to listen twice as often as I spoke. Of course this was great advice for a child, but should also be reiterated to adults.
In a relationship, there are always opportunities to shut up and listen. Below are just a few:
When you’re emotional and not in the best position to make an informed decision. Whenever we work from a place of hurt it impairs our judgement. Taking time to observe the situation and simply listen has greater impact than trying to prove our point.
When you’re on the verge of saying something hurtful. The quickest way to get someone told is to hit them where it hurts. Words are so powerful. I never believed that saying about sticks and stones. Words can cause more damage than most of us realize. Saying something to our partner in order to cause pain is one of the worst ways to handle conflict. We must consider the consequences and hold our tongue at all costs.
When your partner is feeling some kind of way and they are unable to receive what you’re offering. Even though we may be confident and our viewpoint makes the most sense, if our partner isn’t in the best place for that information, we must be still. As challenging as it might be to keep quiet in this situation, we have to. It won’t benefit either partner if it will not be taken the way it was intended.
When your partner is sharing something of value. As adults, it is difficult being told what we should do or how we must do it. There are, however, situations where we don’t always know what’s best. With our spouse being a person who loves us dearly, we owe it to them to listen. Each one can teach one and words of wisdom can come from anyone. If we are being told something we need to hear, that will honor the relationship, listening and applying it are necessary.
Again, there will be occasions where you and your partner aren’t seeing eye to eye. It’s common and frequently happens in relationships. In order to minimize the noise, create, and maintain a relationship that pleases both individuals, some sacrifices will be required. The biggest sacrifice you will make repeatedly, is the one where you listen twice as much as you speak.
BMWK, what moments in your relationship have you found it more beneficial to just listen?