by Phil Stevens
Guess what? Somebody hates it when there is harmony & peace in your marriage. He can’t stand it. You know who I’m talking about. He wears all red and wields little goat horns on his head. He’ll do anything to cause conflict or confusion in your marriage. One of his favorite, but subtle attacks is to make false agreements with us about our marriage. Tell me if you’ve ever heard these in your head before:
- He left his clothes on the floor AGAIN, like… I’m the maid.
- She knows I hate meatloaf, but she keeps making it to spite me.
- Why can’t he just put a new toilet paper roll on the spool? It takes 10 seconds.
- She cut me off in mid-sentence again! She never let’s me talk.
- He or she will never change. They just don’t care anymore.
- They don’t deserve my love or attention right now. Not after what they’ve done.
- She ALWAYS does that!
- He NEVER listens to me!
- It’s hopeless.
Lies! All lies. None of it is God’s voice. The devil is sneaky, he likes to get us in a corner and whisper these little lies in our ear. We tend to agree with him because it selfishly validates our frustration with our spouse. What starts as a little whisper eventually grows into toxic resentment and anger towards our spouse. So… what do you do?
- Acknowledge the attack. Realize that you are under attack and break up the momentum. Isolate it, call it out & diffuse it.
- Pray on it. Bring God in to help you through it. Pray for peace and discernment.
- Tell your spouse. From a place of love, tell your spouse the agreement Satan is trying to make with you. They can’t change what they don’t know is bothering you.
- Show some grace. Just because you’ve discussed it does not mean the behavior will change over night. Repeat this process, include your spouse and diffuse each other’s triggers together. It might even be something you can overlook, a small thing? I’m sure there’s plenty your spouse is overlooking as well.
BMWK – what do you do to quell toxic thoughts about your spouse?
Phil Stevens is a Christ follower, happily married father, filmmaker, producer, writer & actor. Creator of Marriage Pressure Points, a film series and marriage community based on a proactive, honest, loving and graceful approach to marital conflict. His heart is to make God proud and collaborate with amazing people to make healthy – every marriage he can.