One of my biggest pet peeves is chronic complainers. It just does something to my spirit and energy to hear people focus on what’s not working. Unfortunately, there are many relationships that suffer from this illness. It is easier to complain than to create an action plan and follow it. Now some of us don’t exactly know how to change this behavior. We may have been this way all our life and have carried this very bad habit into our marriage. Not only is it stressful on the spouse who does it, can you imagine the long-term damage it does to the marriage overall?
Some people look for what’s not working and aren’t sure how to be happy. Of course the majority of us have areas in our marriage we wish were better, but we miss our marriage blessings when we focus on small issues. I’ve learned in my 15 year marriage not everything is a battle. I do understand how stressful it must be to have to keep repeating or experiencing the same bad behavior. But we waste precious time focusing on what our spouse isn’t doing right instead of praising them for how well they show up in other areas of the marriage. Positive reinforcement can benefit the areas in which they lack as well.
Marriage will not solve all of your problems, but the more positive energy you put into it, the greater the benefits. If you struggle in this area, here are a few tips to help shift your focus:
It’s a behavior you have control over. Complaining about the socks being left on the floor has the same effect as your spouse not picking the socks up. Both are habits that can drive the other partner insane. There are healthy ways to discuss anything in a marriage, being mindful of the result we want is key. No one responds positively to frequent nagging.
Be solution focused. Instead of harping on what’s wrong, bring a new idea to the situation. Make sure it’s realistic and one you both can agree on.
Recognize where your marriage is strong and how you can use that energy to improve the challenged areas.
Love your spouse in spite of his/her imperfections. For the most part, our spouse’s bad habits aren’t a new discovery. Why we trip on them after marriage is something we should examine a little further. Enjoy the person they are and how they treat you instead of what they haven’t done right.
Our marriages need more joy and less complaining. Don’t miss the time and opportunity to enjoy the person you married, flaws and all!
BMWK, what suggestions would you add to breaking the nitpicking and complaining curse in marriage?