Recently, I hung out with my first true love. You know the one. The guy you would have married if only you met him in your thirties and not your teens or twenties. The one you compared other men to a decade after dating. During our conversation, I revealed that I didn’t like scary movies. As a matter of fact, I hate them. I won’t watch anything starring Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger or other demonic characters capable of giving me nightmares for the rest of the week. I don’t even want the DVDs under my roof, especially after seeing one particular Sid Roth It’s Supernatural episode. My lifelong friend laughed and said, I really know you, but at the same time, I don’t know you at all.

I thought about his words and wondered how often we stop short of getting to really know our significant other. We may know their favorite foods, colors and TV shows. Or perhaps we know their beliefs about education, religion and politics. But if we took time to dig deeper, we may discover something new about our soul mates, which keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. The new knowledge may even lead to falling in love all over again.

1. Abstain from Sex

OK, before you stop reading this article, hear me out! If you remove the sexual aspect of the relationship, you must depend solely on the spiritual, emotional and mental connections. Fasting from sex may expose an area in your relationship that needs a bit more TLC.

2. Learn Each Other’s Love Languages

My love language is Words of Affirmation. So, naturally I like to stroke my man’s ego, remind him why I love him so much and give him unsolicited compliments. But what if that isn’t his love language? My words may stop at his ear and not make it to his heart. He may need physical touch, acts of service, quality time or gifts to feel loved.

3. Play a Game of Questions

As a reporter, I drill dates. Just kidding. Well, kind of. I do ask a lot of questions, though. Guys I’ve gone out with have confessed that they have quiet or private personalities, but find themselves opening up to me. Make serious and silly inquiries. Ask what their first impression of you was and how accurate it is today. Ask what job they would do if money wasn’t a factor. Ask about their favorite teacher, relative or friend. Inquire about what argument their parents had that he hopes to avoid with you.

4. Reverse Roles

Recently, my co-worker resigned from her job. When I asked what the department would do without her, someone said she didn’t do that much. Well, they didn’t “do that much” to understand her role in the organization. They assumed she didn’t work hard, since she didn’t have what they considered an impressive title. Sometimes we take that attitude home from work and onto a date. If you cook, tie an apron on your boyfriend when he comes over to visit. If he plans and pays for a romantic night out, the woman can take charge of the fun and the funds. If you’re stuck in gender roles, be a modern couple and make a swap, even if it’s only for a short time.This will give you a greater appreciation of what the other person brings to the table and how their duties improve your standard of living.

Hey BMWK Fam—How are you getting to know your significant other better in 2014?