I could always tell when my husband and I weren’t on the same page. There would be negative energy in the air. Or we would probably dwell in separate areas of our home because we just needed our space. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a secret.
Either one or both of us had said or done something to set the other one off, and it was obvious that we were off course. The same can be said for most couples. Of course everyday won’t be picture perfect. Couples will disagree with and disappoint one another quite frequently.
However, the ability to co-create solutions and bounce back is a strength most couples should be working to master.
Before we arrive at a point in our relationship of no return, there is usually an opportunity for healing and restoration. Unfortunately, most couples refuse to take advantage of that window of opportunity and would rather allow their partnership to fail.
But for those of us who want to take action, know that it begins with our thinking. Our brain plays these tricks on us and we come up with excuses as to why we don’t have the power to save our relationship. These excuses strip us of the ability to be solution focused and the energy to take action. They say when you know better, you do better. So here are 5 excuses we can no longer use for why our marriage is broken.
“I didn’t know”
I have always been puzzled by people who said they couldn’t tell or didn’t know their partner was unhappy. There are always signs. Mood changes, the amount of time spent together, or a lack of intimacy, are all tell-tale signs.
Sometimes it’s easier to ignore them. But know that making that choice will only cause you heartache in the end. Be aware in your relationship. Check in with your partner and share how you’re feeling. Don’t succumb to a mediocre marriage when it is well within your power to change.
“I was waiting on my spouse to take action”
In marriage, there should be no record of rights and wrongs, or who apologized the last time. That’s child’s play and we aren’t in high school anymore. It really shouldn’t matter who makes the first move as long as one is made.
You’re not weak if you’re usually the one nor does it mean your partner isn’t as concerned about the relationship as you are. We all have different ways to communicate and problem solve. Your partner just may need a little guidance on how to show up in a grown up relationship and you can provide that example.
“I thought the problem would fix itself”
So many couples wait on the sidelines of their relationship, hoping things will automatically heal. It won’t. There have to be conversations, accountability, ownership, apologies and forgiveness. Neither of these will magically appear. You will have to roll those sleeves up and get involved and invested in your marriage.
“I am waiting on someone to tell me what to do”
Usually when people are in trouble they go to a trusted source who can offer suggestions and help them out of the mess they are in. This process doesn’t always work with a marriage because there is another person involved.
While you appreciate the advice from our bestie, her advice might not work for your marriage. You know your partner and you know you. Use that information to communicate effectively about your relationship struggles.
“It wasn’t that big of a deal to me”
But if it was to your partner, then it should also be to you. How can one person be hurting or feel some kind of way in a relationship and the other not be concerned? We don’t always have to completely understand something to be sensitive to it. Asking questions, listening and being supportive, even when it makes no sense, is what a real partnership is all about.
Excuses keep us stuck and average. They provide us a way out of doing what we should be doing. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want an average marriage. It’s high time we rid our relationship of any excuse that prevents us from experiencing the best marriage possible.
BMWK, what other excuses do you think we should eliminate?