Recently I hosted a Panel Discussion during our 2nd Annual Singles Conference at my church. The panelists were all single and leaders in ministry. As the conversation became animated and intense, I realized that we hit on a key point: that of miscommunication between men and women while dating. Dating is very ambiguious in today’s society, so it means different things to different people.

The perception of dating is so different between us as singles that many are getting hurt in the process.

Transparent and honest communication between the sexes is needed for dating to be more of a success than a failure.  Here are five keys you can use for effective communication while dating:

1. First, determine what you want when you ask for a date or accept a date.

Is this “just a date” or is this the precursor to something more? Or are you unsure? Based on my personal experiences and what I’ve heard from others (especially women), not stating the reason for the date upfront has brought a lot of heartache later. If it is “just a date”, clearly state it’s only a one-time (or two-time) situation. This means that nothing should be happening between you that indicates otherwise. This leads into the second key.

2. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Actions and words need to match! Honesty is important in dating, especially if personal integrity is highly valued.  It is confusing to say it’s “just a date” but you want to take her to bed on that same night. That isn’t just a date….

3. Don’t lead the other person on.

You may meet for a date or two and decide that this person isn’t the one for you, but you still allow them to take you out or you still call them up for dates. This is seen as using the other person. This action may continue because you don’t want to hurt the other person or you don’t want to be alone, but by not saying something early and by allowing the dating relationship to drag on longer than necessary it becomes a hurtful situation. Most people have a lot of respect for individuals who are upfront early in the game. When you wait before saying something, emotional attachments may have happened which deepens the hurt when the truth finally comes out.

4. Be kind when saying goodbye.

If you must go your separate ways because of incompatibility or other issues, state what has to happen in the kindest way you can think of. Insults, or being ambiguous or embarrassing will cause the other person to lose respect for you. You may not want or need this person in your life anymore, but consider their feelings in your delivery. Think of how you would feel if someone were to say the same thing to you. How would you receive it? Use that as a guide in communicating.

5. Address disagreements maturely, honestly, openly and in person (as much as possible).

Arguing via text message, social media or email is a no-no. Yelling and name-calling sets a precedence that you may not want to be remembered for. By practicing kindness and consideration, dating can be a fun, meaningful experience that does not leave the other person with emotional pain and heartache. Place yourself in their position and show respect. Allow your date to know that they can trust you because of how you treat them! BMWK family, can you add other keys for effective communication between dating couples?