Every year people get into a frenzy toward the end of the year as they make goals for the upcoming year. There’s always the people who make goals dealing with their health, their money and even their career. But, what about your relationship? Every year we seem to put so much emphasis on superficial things. What if we put the same emphasis on goals for our happiness in our relationships? Would we be happier and better adjusted with our mates?
This year I’m making my regular goals, but I’m also taking time to sit down with my husband and develop goals for us in 2013. Our goals are not elaborate but deal with what we need in our relationship. Our goals have nothing to do with gaining something new materially, but deal with the emotional side of our relationship. We use the acronym S.M.A.R.T. to develop our goals and usually it takes us a couple of weeks to be completely done and ready for the new year. So how do you develop goals for something so personal and intimate? Use these 5 steps in developing and implementing goals for you and your spouse.
1. Be specific. We don’t like to make goals that are too broad such as ‘be happy’. All of our goals are specific- we say EXACTLY what we want. We believe if we speak it, it will manifest in us. For example, we may set a goal of writing thank you notes that tell one another why we’re thankful at least once a week.
2. Make them measurable. We’re not in the business of taking some type of meter and measuring every one of our goals. But we do want our goals to be measurable- by some extent. So if we set the goal to take more weekend trips, then in March we’ll see if we actually took any trips. If we didn’t take any- we’re in trouble. If we did, we are progressing to our goal.
3. Make sure they involve action. It’s always a good thing to talk about goals, but what do they mean if that’s all you do is talk? So we always make sure we have action steps for our goals. If we plan on traveling overseas as a couple, that means that we have to get our Passports/Visas and secure babysitting services for our kids. If our goal is to spend more time with just us two then we have to have dates (or time) set aside to do that.
4. Be reliable. In order for relationship goals to work, both parties have to be committed to them so if we say we’re going to do something we have to do it.
5. Be timely. Time is of the essence in goals because you have a year to manifest your goals. So even before January 1st we start working on them. Be mindful there has to be a start (and finish) for all goals.
So, in the New Year make all of your regular goals but don’t forget that some of your most important ones should deal with your relationship! Now my BMWK family, what are your relationship goals for this year?