The other day my wife said something simple but profound to me. Pretty much out of the blue she said, “thank you for not disappointing me.”
Part of me didn’t really know how to respond, so I said just said “you’re welcome!” But then, of course, I had to ask “Ummm, where did that come from?” She explained that a guy, whom her friend was dating, canceled on her, yet again, and to make it worse it was the girl’s birthday.
She then said “just thank you for being there and doing what you say you’re going to do.” Part of me felt a little undeserving because, often times, I forgot to do some of the little things she asks me to do (like take the carpet cleaner to get fixed or to change that smoke detector battery that keeps beeping) but, hey, I’ll take the compliment!
Okay, so I know that seems simple, but it got me to thinking a little deeper about what she really meant. What she was thankful for was me showing up in the big ways. Sometimes as men, I don’t think we realize how important it is for us to SHOW UP in our relationships and how important it is to our women. Here are a few ways to show up and not disappoint your lady.
1. Show up as a provider and protector
I know this may seem like a given, but it’s still so important to the security of your woman and your relationship. No matter how “independent” she is, she still feels more secure when you have purpose, drive, ambition and can contribute to the household substantially.
This doesn’t always mean just monetarily, but your woman wants to know that she and the family can depend on you. Sure, we all have bad seasons, but when she knows you won’t allow the family to stay in that seasons, frees her up to be the woman and helpmate God designed her to be.
2. Show up as a parent
Sometimes as men, we don’t necessarily know how we fit into this equation, but the key is to do something. Don’t default to always being passive and letting her handle the kids. Instead, you lean in!
I’m a new dad, and I was VERY intimidated with all things related to childcare at first, but the more I did it, the easier things got. Prepare some bottles, pack the diaper bags, choose an outfit from time to time, transport the kids to events, show up at their schools, help with homework…okay, you get the point. When in doubt, just raise your hand and ask her what she needs help with. Better yet, just find something that needs to be done, and do it. I’m still working on this one myself.
3. Show up as a companion and friend
Okay, I know fellas sometimes your woman can talk a lot, but more than likely, you’re her best friend, and she trusts you, so hear her out. The other day I found myself getting annoyed because my wife kept talking while I was watching the game, but I realized if she stops talking to me that’s when I have a real problem. Be her friend, be an ear, and actually listen.
4. Show up as an admirer
Your woman wants to know that you still admire and desire her. Make sure you are taking time to notice her. Notice that new hair, that new fragrance, the few pounds she lost. Notice when she comes walking down the stairs and is feeling herself because she wants you to look, stare and admire.
Show up on special days and continue to date her, take her out and show her off. She still wants to feel like a lady and still wants to be romanced from time to time. (Note to self: plan date soon).
5. Show up as a supporter
The women in our lives have SO much going on! Everything from entrepreneurship to organizations to corporate jobs…you name it! Support her in her endeavors and career. Show up as her biggest cheerleader, so she knows someone is always in her corner. It means more to her than you know!
Our women begin to resent us when we constantly “disappoint” them. Ultimately, they want us to be the men they always thought we could be when they committed to us. They want us to be Kings, so that they can be Queens, so let’s continue to show up! Shout out to all of the men who are showing up out there, we see you!
BMWK ladies, if your man “shows up” tag him in this post and let him know!