Early in our marriage, I used to think that the world was coming to an end when my husband and I would fight. I would get so sad and despondent. I would cry, lose sleep, and let my work suffer because I thought we were on the brink of divorce in that “in between time.”
Even though my husband and I rarely have big fallouts, I have learned so much about our marriage, our respective communication styles, and how to better use the cooling down period to improve my marriage and myself. I learned that some fights take more than a few hours to resolve. Some fights cannot be resolved with a hug and a kiss. Some fights require that each spouse take a step back and some needed space. I also learned that a failure to see eye-to-eye with your spouse is not the end of the world. Finally, and most importantly, I learned how to make myself happy during the cooling down period, which can be extremely stressful.
So, if you and your boo are in the cooling down period, don’t let your world crumble. Here are five ways to make the time move faster.
Journal and reflect on where communication broke down. If you have a fight with your spouse that led to the both of you not speaking, then there is a lot of room to grow in terms of communication. Reflect on what could have been said differently and be prepared to share your thoughts when you and your boo sit down to resolve the issue.
Go to the gym. Instead of using fights as an excuse to binge on unhealthy foods, use the time apart to attend to your health and fitness. Depending on how you deal with marital stress, you may be drawn to kickboxing, yoga, running, or weights.
Clean out a closet: Mopping around the house when you are not on good terms with your spouse can only bring you down some more. So, instead of staying in the fetal position in the bed until noon on a Saturday morning, take this sanctioned alone time to get some of your “to-do” list done.
Treat yourself to a movie or spa day. Self-care is the name of the game when you are fighting with your spouse. Watching a funny movie may lighten your spirits and remind you of all of the good things your spouse offers. Getting to the spa will help you relax and give you time to strategize how you may want to approach the topic that got you both on different sides of the fence.
Send emails to friends to reconnect. When you fight with your honey bunny, you may feel vulnerable, like you just can’t go on. Hopefully, you were keeping up with your social circle regardless of the fight. If not, this would be a good time to reach out to see how you can be of service to others. This is not an invitation to call your friends and bash your spouse.
BMWK—How do you use your cooling off period? Any other suggestions?