Men and women think, act and communicate differently, which often leaves both sexes wondering what the other is really thinking and feeling.
I recently had the opportunity to have an uncensored, unfiltered, honest Q&A session with a group of men on all things love, sex and relationship related. Because the men decided to be 100 percent uncensored and truthful, I’ve decided to keep their anonymity (so you can’t find them and send hate mail, but feel free to post a comment). Their responses will be listed as Man 1, Man 2 and Man 3.
Detailed below are their uninterrupted, unrestrained truths:
Q: How do men know when they are in love?
Men are fixers, so we show our love with action.
MAN 1: We know we are in love when we want to spend all of our time with you. When we make a concerted effort to include you in our day or actively seek ways to be included in your day, we are in love.
Additionally, when we do things that we would not normally do like passing up an afternoon of golf to change her oil, wash her car or mow her lawn, [that] is a true indicator that our feelings are serious.
When we find ourselves doing things for that special someone that we wouldn’t do for our mothers or sisters, we are no longer wading in the shallow end of the “like and lust” pool, we are deeply immersed in the love ocean.
Men are fixers, so we show our love with action. When we are in love we begin to think more from a perspective of what we can do for you rather than what we can get from you.
Q: Do men really like dating “Independent Women?” Does a woman’s independence interfere with a man’s need to be needed?
If a woman’s degrees, house, car and money are so important to her, then she should try cuddling with those things and be okay with being alone or lonely.
MAN 2: Yes, men like dating independent women. We appreciate and respect women [who] are able to take care of themselves. A woman can be independent and still make me feel needed as a man.
Problems arise when a woman feels the need to continuously tell us that they don’t need us for anything, they speak to us in a way that emasculates, disrespects and demeans us. They constantly challenge us, and they try to shift the order of roles in the relationship. When independence equals disrespect, then independence becomes a problem for men and breaks down the relationship.
If a woman’s degrees, house, car and money are so important to her, then she should try cuddling with those things and be okay with being alone or lonely.
Q: Which is the greater cause of infidelity: lack of sex, lack of respect or lack of communication?
Women have to understand they can’t treat men any kind of way, say anything they feel like saying and still expect us to open up or want to come home.
MAN 3: Lack of respect hands down! The lack of respect will make men shut down and seek intimacy elsewhere. Respect to a man is everything in a relationship. Women have to understand they can’t treat men any kind of way, say anything they feel like saying and still expect us to open up or want to come home. Men value respect from our friends, jobs, children and especially our mates.
Q: How does relationship/companionship add value to your life?
Men don’t need monogamous relationships; they can get what they need in many different places.
MAN 2: Being in a relationship adds value to my life by grounding me, as it really keeps me from being all out there. I like being in a relationship; it provides a certain level of comfort.
Men don’t need monogamous relationships; they can get what they need in many different places. However, as you mature, you want love, companionship and true partnership with one special person. Being in a relationship adds value to my life by giving me an opportunity to be a part of something greater than myself.
Men like having that special someone to share important moments with, have fun with or go through the struggles of life with.
Q: Does a woman have to maintain a perfect body for men to stay attracted in a relationship?
I’m not saying I would leave the relationship if she didn’t maintain her body, but I am saying it would be difficult for me to maintain my attraction to her.
MAN 3: No, a woman does not have to have the perfect body; you should be attracted to her mind. Bodies will change over time and you have to be mature enough to understand that.
[But] yes, a woman has to maintain her body. She can’t eat everything and sit on the couch and not keep herself up. I don’t expect her to be perfect, but I expect her to keep herself up. After all, men are visual for real. I’m not saying I would leave the relationship if she didn’t maintain her body, but I am saying it would be difficult for me to maintain my attraction to her.
Q: What’s the one thing you want women to take away from this conversation?
Men would love if women would just ask us what we are thinking and then actually wait for the answer.
MAN 1: Women need to keep an open mind. They need to be receptive to trying different things, and understanding new perspectives. Women need to learn how to listen. They are quick to shut a man down when he is talking by interrupting or acting as if they already have the answer to the question they’ve asked us. If they already have all of the answers, then we are not needed in the conversation, so our immediate response is simply to shut down.
Women also need to exercise patience and seek to understand rather than assume and accuse. Men would love if women would just ask us what we are thinking and then actually wait for the answer.
BMWK Ladies, are you open to receiving the truth these men shared? Use this open diary moment to your benefit to help you improve communication in your relationship. Do you have any questions for our panel of men?