Have you ever asked a couple without children when they planned to start a family? Prior to jumping the broom, I thought this was a normal, innocent question. Surely there wasn’t any harm in asking the happy couple about their “guaranteed” plans to be fruitful and multiply right? Wrong.
I’ve officially been married for over 1 year now and to be honest the question that makes me uncomfortable the most is “So, when are you going to have a baby?”.
Is that even a question I can really answer? Not really. Here are 6 reasons why you should never ask a couple when they plan to have children. On behalf of childless women everywhere, please, take notes.
Related: The cost of infertility and why African American women suffer in silence
- It’s none of your business. I technically could stop writing now, but I’ll go on to say that this applies to friends AND family. Yes, we know you want grandchildren, but respectfully, it isn’t any of your business.
- It isn’t your body. I’m slightly addicted to watching conception visualization videos of YouTube, because giving birth is a pure miracle. A woman’s body endures a plethora of changes during pregnancy and way long after she has given birth. Asking a woman when she plans to have a baby, is basically asking her when does she plan to alter her entire life. Having a child is not a simple task people. The labor pain doesn’t end after giving birth. It’s a lifetime commitment.
- They may be in the process of trying. Since no one can determine when the egg and sperm will meet, asking when they plan to conceive may actually be a dumb question. They may have PLANNED to conceive two years ago, but it’s yet to happen.
- They may have suffered a miscarriage. I know of a few couples who were pregnant with their first child, but unfortunately loss the baby. I’m sure the last thing they want to hear is badgering family and friends ask “When are you guys going to have a baby?”, for obvious reasons.
- They may be dealing with infertility. Last year I wrote a post entitled “3 Reasons Why Sometimes It’s Okay, Not to Be Okay”. In the comment section a reader explained how her and her husband recently revealed to their parents, that they were dealing with infertility issues. I’m guessing the parents no longer inquire, and they may be searching for an alternative way to expand their family, or not.
- They may be determining if they want children or not. I remember when my friend told me her and her husband didn’t want children. I had a hard time believing her. 4 years later, they’re childless, still in love, and happy. Everything isn’t for everybody, and that’s okay.
The point I’m trying to make is, you never know why a couple has yet to start a family. Your intentions may be good, but keep these in mind when you call yourself inquiring about the status of someone else’s body, fertility, and family. Want to ask a question? How about a sincere “How can I be praying for you?” Got it? Great!
BMWK Family, What other reasons might there be to not asking this extremely sensitive question?