by Janice R. Love,
My first Mother’s day holiday as a step-mom occurred during our visitation weekend. Our plans were to return my stepchildren to their home on Sunday morning. My wonderful husband wanted me to feel appreciated, so he took his children shopping on Saturday to buy gifts. Later out of curiosity, I asked hubby what his children were doing for their mother. He assumed that since we were married his older children would take care of everything for their mom. Bottom line, nothing had been done. I felt guilty because they had been shopping for me, so I went to the store to buy cards and gifts for their mother.
In the morning, my children were excited and showered me with gifts they had selected a week ago with their father. My husband encouraged his children to wish me a happy Mother’s Day and share their gifts. His children appeared sad and afraid. They really wanted to be with their mother and couldn’t wait to go home.
After being a step-mom for eleven years, here are my tips to ensure a Happy Mother’s Day.
- Realize that Mother’s Day is emotional for children as they will experience loyalty issues. Children may feel like they are betraying their mother if they acknowledge the step-mom.
- Have none or minimal expectations from your stepchildren. When you expect nothing, the smallest gesture such as a text or phone call is a wonderful surprise. If anything is done, express your gratitude.
- Standard visitation allows children to spend Mother’s Day with their biological mother. Encourage children to spend the entire weekend with their mom. If you are a biological mother, enjoy your children.
- Celebrate other women including your mother. Do something special for a deserving woman you know. Call or text another step-mom and wish them a happy Mother’s Day.
- Encourage your husband to assist his children with making sure they have what they need to celebrate their biological mother.
- If your ego will not allow you to make it through the day without feeling slighted, inform your husband in advance of your needs and tell him what you want him to do.
- Finally, don’t determine your net worth as a step-mom by what happens on Mother’s Day. Focus on the positive and a have a wonderful day!
BMWK – can you provide additional tips for step-moms?
Janice R. Love, known as “JLove Stepmom Coach” is the author of One Plus One Equals Ten: A First Lady’s Survival Guide for Stepmoms. She is the biological mom of two children and a stepmom to six. Janice earned a Master’s in Biological /Health Psychology from the University of Oklahoma and is certified as a Stepfamily Coach by The Stepfamily Foundation, Incorporated. Along with her husband, Rev., Dr. Bobby L. Love, she is the cofounder of Step with Love, a ministry offering blended family counseling, coaching and seminars for couples, stepmoms and churches respectively. Contact Step with Love for all your blended family needs.