How many times have we all read or even watched stories about couples that haven’t had sex in weeks? Unfortunately, it seems like a sexless marriage is the norm for many. What’s up with that, though? Isn’t a huge part of marriage the joy that comes with being intimate with someone you love? If that piece is missing, doesn’t that mean your marriage is headed for trouble?
I’m not suggesting that rarely having sex means your marriage is destined to fail, but if that mindset starts to feel like the norm for you and your spouse—well, I think your both are in trouble.
And ignoring a sexless marriage won’t make things better. For the passion to return, you have to do something.
So what do you do when the passion is gone? How do you get that loving feeling back? Well, it’s not always easy and if you know there is deeply routed issue that’s led to the lack of intimacy, dealing with that issue is probably the first thing you want to do. But if the lack of intimacy is just a result of being busy and way to tired to get into the mood, these hacks may help.
1. Pamper yourself. If you don’t feel sexy, you are less likely to be interested in sex. If you and your mate have lost the passion, being exhausted and walking around with sweatpants won’t help. Pamper yourself by taking a bubble bath and buying something sexy to wear. If you feel rested, attractive and sexy, there is a much better chance you will be in the mood to have some fun with your partner.
2. Role-play. Feel like life in the bedroom is boring? Make an agreement with your spouse that you will enter the bedroom as someone else the next time you want to have fun. We get so caught up in the day-to-day craziness of life that sometimes we just need to be someone else so we can loosen up and have a good time.
3. Read erotica. This will probably work more for the ladies than the fellas, but that’s okay. Getting caught up in a fantasy story about what other people do in the bedroom—especially if it’s stuff you have never done—well, that can be enough to make your want to step outside of your comfort zone and try something new.
4. Be spontaneous. When you have children, sexual spontaneity isn’t easy. It’s not impossible, though. Lock the bathroom door, turn on the shower to cover up any noise and get busy. Sure, it’s not a fancy hotel, but the thrill of being spontaneous is a lot of fun.
5. Get away from home. Okay, so maybe the locked bathroom thing just doesn’t turn you on (or your kids are ruthless and will pound on the door for the entire time). Whatever the case may be, nothing gets me in the mood like a trip away from home. Take a trip—even if it’s just a short overnight trip—and enjoy each other while you also catch up on some much-needed rest.
6. Exercise. I love Zumba, and after a good Zumba workout and a hot shower, my husband has a great chance of getting luck. I know not every workout leaves you feeling as sexy as a dance workout does, but just the high you get from sweating and releasing the day’s stress can definitely enhance your sexual mood. Plus, just the act of doing something positive for your body can make you feel more attractive.
7. Prepare an aphrodisiac meal. Do you and your partner love to eat? Is it something you bond over? Well, why don’t you cook a meal together and make foods that are shown to increase your sexual desire? Did someone say oysters and chocolate? Sounds good to me—and my husband.
BMWK family, what do you do to help you get in the mood?