Dear You,
I can’t lie. Sometimes, I struggle.
- It’s like your heart being caught in the middle of a game of tug of war with family on one end and passion and purpose on the other end.
- It’s like being on a seesaw where ‘provider’ is on one side and ‘family man’ on the other.
- It’s like the moment I just had while I watched my daughter playing in her bouncy chair so happy and I looked at her and said I just wish I could spend more time with you, yet I had to walk right back into my office to tend to those emails because if I didn’t work we might not be able to afford that bouncy chair that I’m sure one day she will want to be a trampoline.
- It’s the fact that I was gone for 5 days on business last week and in that time I missed my 5 month old beginning to flip and turn over.
Ohhhhh, the struggle. No I’m not whining or complaining because I am truly blessed with a great career along with a passion and a purpose that I call Xklusive Thoughts; but, while I am busy teaching others how to love with my new book, I often worry that my daughter might not be getting all of the love she needs from me.
While I tell myself that I refuse to allow her to have “daddy issues,” I wish I knew what the fine line of attention and love is between her becoming a loose girl in high school or the valedictorian. Geesh that thought alone makes me cringe!
Now many of you might think that it means nothing now because she is only 5 months old. But I’m more worried about the patterns and habits I’m creating and how that might impact the future. I also write this because I know there are so many men out there undergoing the same struggle.
They’re torn between going to answer that text or email from the job and saying I’ll just get to it later because right now the most important thing is my family. Many men are torn between the voices they heard growing up drilling into them that nothing is more important than protecting and providing, and their wives saying all they really want more than anything is for them to be present.
While he thinks they need the world, all they really want and a little piece of HIM.
Now…how do I stay present when I’m worried about providing? Sometimes that means I have to be absent and WELP that’s the internal mental and emotional rollercoaster that many men ride everyday.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m an addict; I wonder if I’m addicted to the grind because my number one fear is being broke. But then again that little girl and that wife of mine would probably be happier with me spending more time than money.
But would that be the case if that time was spent in a home full of struggle and beds full of sleepless nights and tossing and turning wondering if we can pay our bills? Yes I know many will think that’s extreme but it’s a real fear. No man wants his family to ever struggle, so for many men, the only way they know to keep this from happening is to hustle.
Meanwhile, everyone is being cheated on…the wife is being cheated on because his work is his mistress and she’s being cheated out of the time and attention she deserves.
The kids are being cheated out of play dates and the sounds of daddy in the stands or the audience, rooting them on at that game or that recital. Resentment begins to build up from every angle until suddenly husband and daddy simply asks “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?”
While he thinks they need the world, all they really want and a little piece of HIM.
I can’t lie sometimes I struggle, but maybe…just maybe for a change this blog was more about me and less about you, but I pray that for all of my men out there going through this struggle you stop and realize that your work will never love you as much as your family will.
Sincerely,
Struggling Husband
BMWK, what do you do when you feel work and family collide?