We’ve previously talked about roles in marriage and each part a spouse should play. This topic has appeared in articles here as well as during the awesome Wednesday night #MarriageChats. Whether it’s handling the finances or doing the laundry, the general consensus was for each partner to do what they are absolutely best at doing. In addition to having roles in the home, there are other responsibilities that come along with being a spouse.
Taking care of your share of the household and taking care of your share of the marriage are two separate matters. The reasons we begin a relationship and the reasons why we stay in our partnerships are centered on how we feel. We enter our marriages with certain expectations, some reasonable and others unrealistic. Some of us clue our partners in on our expectation but others, unfortunately, do not. Then we become disappointed when we feel our spouse is failing at keeping up with their half of the relationship.
Taking care of the children and maintaining the household are major tasks, but another key responsibility shows up in how we care for our spouse. Love, trust, honesty and great communication are all reasonable requests, but there are some expectations of our spouses that are simply unfair.
A healthy marriage foundation begins by knowing the true role of our spouse. We must be aware of the purpose they serve in our life. If we have any of the following requests of our spouses, we can only expect to be disappointed.
“Anticipate my needs.” Instead of waiting on our spouse to magically know what we want and when we want it, let’s try simply communicating our desires. You’d be surprised at the response you receive by speaking up in your marriage and asking for what you need.
“Put me first.” This one is fine only if we are putting our spouse first too. Can you imagine the impact on a marriage if both partner’s goal was to make their spouse a priority?
“Complete me.” Not one other human can complete us, so why even seek that from a mate? We must enter a relationship already complete. A relationship should add to the joy and self-love we already have.
“Solve all my problems.” Yes, our spouse is our rock. He/She is usually the very first person we run to when our spirit is broken and when we need that shoulder to cry on. But again, they aren’t superman or superwoman; we can’t expect them to fix everything ALL the time. Let’s show them we are able to create solutions as well.
Again, this type of thinking can add wear and tear to any marriage and relationship in general. The purpose of marriage is to add to our life, which means we should also be adding to the life of our spouse. Remember communication is key; we can’t expect something of our spouse without letting them know first. But before we put in any request of them, let’s ask ourselves how reasonable and realistic it truly is.
Did any of the above requests ring true for you? What are some unreasonable expectations you’ve had for your spouse and have since discarded?