Here is the funny thing about love; we expect the person we are with to bring their best to the relationship – at all times. After all, who wants to be with a person who is only giving a fraction of his or herself to the relationship? I sure don’t. I want to know that my husband is giving me his very best. Not perfection, just his best. The question, however, is whether or not I am giving him my very best, too. Years ago I read something that said,
We judge others based on their actions, but we judge ourselves based on our intentions.
That was a definite “aha” moment for me. We can be so hard on the people who love us, because we are judging them based one what they do every day, but are we holding ourselves to that same standard? Often, we aren’t. We are judging ourselves based on our intentions. As a result, we may mean to give our relationship our all, but the reality may be that we are just not doing enough.
So what does it mean to give your best? I think it means establishing that your relationship is a priority and being mindful of how your day-to-day decisions influence your relationship. Giving your best also means being able to rest at night, knowing that you did what you could that day to strengthen or improve your relationship.
And bringing your best isn’t just about what you are doing to make your relationship better. It’s about what you are doing to make yourself better. Are you happy? Does life excite you? Are you pleased with your profession? Are you working through any unresolved pain you might have? Are your pursuing your passions? The answers to these questions are important, because it is really hard to give another person your best if you are unwilling to put in the work and give that to yourself.
And let’s be clear about something; being perfect and giving your best are not the same thing at all. Expecting perfection from yourself is unreasonable and unhealthy, and perfection in a marriage is non-existent. I’m sorry if someone told you it’s a possibility, because it definitely isn’t. What is quite possible, though, is giving your partner and your partnership your very best efforts every single day.
If you feel like your relationship is missing something, make sure you examine it from all angles. Sure, your partner may be coming up short in some areas, but are you looking at yourself with the same magnifying glass? Are you real with yourself about where you might be coming up short?
Sometimes you do give a partnership your very best, and it seems like it just isn’t enough. But if you genuinely do that, and things just don’t work, do not be discouraged. In the midst of discouragement and pain, I think we all find solace in the fact that we gave something our very best. That’s really all you can ever do, and that is enough.