Ahhh the joy of parenthood. I so enjoy being a mom. Providing love, direction and guidance to my daughters has been my greatest blessing and responsibility. Being a parent is a full-time job and just like with any other full-time job, there are certain stressors that come along with it. One is, it is never ending. Children always need their parents. Next is the sacrifices that must be made. There are some things I simply can’t have when it conflicts with whatever my girls need. Another is that it sometimes leaves us without the energy needed to do the things we really enjoy. And lastly, if we allow it, being a parent can affect the joys of being a spouse. Date nights, alone time and intimacy have all been affected at one time or another.
As couples, we may find ourselves fighting to keep the kids out of our beds, getting them to bed on time, or simply mustering up a little extra energy after everything else. All of this definitely disturbs our groove. Parenting is always the easy excuse when our sex life is suffering. It used to be mine. I find that “I’m sleepy”, “The kids are still awake” or “The kids have fallen asleep in our bed, again” to all be lame reasons not to have sex with our spouse.
Sex and overall intimacy are necessary in marriage. Just like we do whatever is necessary to ensure our children are properly cared for, we have to be willing to do the exact same for our marriage.
In addition to connecting with our spouse, there are other great advantages of sex. According to WebMD, a healthier immune system, lowered blood pressure and lowered heart attack risks as well as easing stress are all amazing benefits. If you aren’t sold just yet, imagine what it does for you and your partner. It will provide the energy, relief and release you need to be successful in your other roles.
If you can relate, it’s time to do the following:
Kick the children out of your bedroom. Use your creativity to get them excited about sleeping in their own space. Also remind them mommy and daddy need their bed to themselves because of the space. Stress that adults need all the space they can get, yes it works. If they do happen to fall asleep there, wake them up to get in their own beds. Children will eventually grow tired of having to wake up from a good sleep to walk to their bedrooms.
Be firm with bedtimes. I used to find myself negotiating bedtimes with children. What was I thinking? By the time I would finally get them to bed, I was too tired myself. This had to stop. We must set a firm time and stick to it.
Don’t overexert yourself. Delegate when possible. As the children get older, they greatly benefit from having some responsibilities in the home. The more others help, the less stressed and overwhelmed we feel.
Being a married mommy isn’t always easy. One day my children are going to grow up, leave home and start their own families. One day it’s going to just be me and my husband. I don’t want to wait until that day to start creating and having the intimate connection I know we can have right now. Yes, we may have to alter some things, but our marriage deserves the best of us, just as our children do.
BMWK, are your kids ruining your sex life? If so, how are you handling it?