Hello Dr. Buckingham,
I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years. We’ve been together for 5 years. My husband has struggled with drugs & alcoholic for 22 years. I fell hard for his charismatic ways. But during our marriage, he has cheated, used drugs, drink and is verbally abusive. He drinks on the job. He drinks and drives. He has no moral compass. I tried counseling, meeting with our Pastor and he refuses to change. I am at a loss. What are my options? Are there any groups or someone that can help me to strengthen myself so that I can walk away?
Please help, Ann
Dear Ann,
If you have not already learned about co-dependency and how one becomes co-dependent, I recommend that you attend Al-Anon family group meetings. Group meetings can help you learn about co-dependence and how others have effectively dealt with their addicted loved-ones. You will receive emotional support and learn to recognize the pathologies in your relationship.
Unfortunately, many spouses of addicts believe that they can fix or resolve their partners’ drinking and/or drug addiction. While this thinking provides hope, is positive and noteworthy, it is inaccurate. From many years of working with addicts, I have learned that a larger percentage of them typically do not get better or remain sober unless they are personally invested in the treatment and recovery process. Al-Anon can help you gain insight about this unfortunate trend and strengthen you as you strive to emotionally withdraw from your husband.
If you are interested in receiving individual coaching to become stronger, please visit my website (www.drbuckingham) and schedule a free 20 minute consultation assessment. I can teach you how to develop positive and healthy coping skills that will enable you to be happy without depending on your husband.
Dealing with addiction can be very challenging, intense and confusing at times. Given this, I commend you for seeking assistance. After attending Al-Anon group meetings and receiving individual coaching, you will be better equipped to live the happy life that you desire and deserve.
Good luck, Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post