All this week we’ll be running classic posts in addition to our regular content to celebrate our one year anniversary on Blackandmarriedwithkids.com! Original post date: Jan. 23, 2008.
I read an article that said large families are not just for the poor. It made me think about it some more and I started to reflect back on the comments that I have received from people now that I have 3 kids and one on way. I think that some people think that you are poor and/or uneducated if you have a large family. I actually had a person say to me: “Girl if you have one more child you are going to look poor”...You will be pulling up in that minivan looking poor as can be!!” I just laughed. I knew she was playing ( kind of.)
It seems perfectly OK for rich people and celebrities to have lots of kids, like P Diddy who has 5 or 6 kids with at least 3 different mamas. But when someone like me pulls up and unloads the van it’s like here comes the Beverly Hillbillies. I can just hear some of my old classmates now: “Girl you will never guess who I saw the other day and she has 4 kids.. Yes, 4 kids.. and she was so smart in school..what happened to her??”
It seems like most middle class families today have one or two kids (definitely no more than 3.) What happened to the more the merrier? Back in the day, it used to be looked upon as a blessing if you had a lot of kids.. a symbol of your wealth. But now-a-days, it’s just the opposite. It’s ok to have a huge 7 bedroom home”...as long as you don’t have 6 kids to put in those rooms.
I have to admit, it took some convincing for me to go for the fourth kid”...but it was more about what I felt I could handle”... the job..the house”...the kids. But now that I have them, I would not have done it differently. I am looking at them now: the 1 year old just took my cell phone”.....her dad is chasing her trying to get it back. The six year old is walking around pretending she is a model.. the fourteen year old is taking a million years to clean the kitchen..there are like 2 dirty dishes in the sink. The baby in my stomach is kicking..she is like get this laptop out of your lap. Yes, this is definitely a blessing.
But I can’t be a hypocrite, I used to say all of those stupid things to people when I found out they had large families”...like : I can’t believe how you do it, I cannot even handle my two! or Are you going to have more? Now, maybe I will say”...Wow, what a blessing.
Girl you will never guess who I saw the other day and she has 4 kids.. Yes, 4 kids.. and she was so smart in school..what happened to her??â€
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Why do we say that? Was she so smart in school that we just expected her to be smart enough to use birth control? I know plenty of woman with only one kid because they could not take the pain. To me it’s harder to have one kid than two. With one kid there is nobody for them to play with. Unless you want to take them out in the dead of Winter at 7:30pm to have a play date with little Johnny who btw lives across town. Unless it is “medically” impossible to have another child I say that parents who only have one kid should be charged with “child abuse”. LOL. Six kids to me is more than plenty. I say, “be careful what you wish for”. I wanted 5 boys. I was blessed with 3 kids, one being a boy. I am better raising my daughters than my son. GOD really does have a sense of humor and knows me and knew what children of his to allow me to borrow and raise. My son is a good kid. He was told to put some “base” in his voice so he did not talk like a “girl”. His voice is so deep I don’t know what the heck he is saying. After having him repeat what he said I still can’t understand his deeper “than Barry White” voice. As long as I don’t (think) I hear “I need, I want or money”, I just nod my head and say ok. I do know ppl both younger and older than me with more than 5 kids. It is what it is. As far as Diddy is concerned. I will only say that in this day and time “why would a fertile woman who knows a man is making babies everywhere with various woman have unprotected sex with him.” It has to be the paycheck. Diddy is not cute, handsome or otherwise to me. Even his money does not make me look at him as more handsome.
We only have three kids and strangers always ask my wife “Are those all your kids?”
Mocha Dads last blog post..I Married a Hooker
Im a Mommy of 8, 7 boys and one on the way ( not sure of the sex) In my early 30’s my husband late 30’s.Some came with the husband and the others didnt, but its all the same to us. And yes ppl always give us the Dang !! look. But it is wonderful, exhausting yet a Blessing :0)
I have two. I’m done.
I do think it would be wonderful to have a large family, but I’m done. I don’t have the patience for it. My kids have each other. I’m good.
I look at those with big families in awe, like HOW DO YOU DO IT? 🙂
Tara
https://theyoungmommylife.com
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Why I still look four (okay, maybe five) months pregnant if I dont suck in my gut
@Tara 23 married with 2 kids interesting. Make it work (Project Runway saying)..lol
I use to want 4 kids but the older I get I don’t see that happening but who knows what God has in store for me. I have always wanted twins and would be happy with that as well.
I have two…one who lives here, and his brother from another mother who lives in NC. I wouldn’t mind having another one. Bill Cosby said that parents with just one child don’t count because they don’t get to experience the “Who did it?” cycle. They already know who did it! LOL
But a large family just isn’t for me. I can’t see myself having more than one more child. I’m not going to say I don’t have the patience for a large family, but right now, I.DON’T.HAVE.THE.PATIENCE. LOL
My pastors have 4, and I truly marvel at how they partner with one another to bring them up in a Godly and real way. Their kids are not rebellious, they’re not out there causing all kinds of trouble or anything. Their family, to me, is a true testimony of the fact that it can be done successfully.
I have 2, a boy and a girl. I am definitely DONE, well for now I am. I just think that it’s a shocking thing right now because most families are not having large families, except for the poor and the rich. It’s kind of stereotypical, but if it’s true it’s true. If someone has the resources and the patience and love for more kids, then more power to them. I could see myself having more than the 2, maybe one day WAY down the road. My husband doesn’t want any more because he doesn’t feel he has the patience for more kids. Rich people can afford to have large families because they have the money for 1 and then if they’re really rich they can afford a nanny. Poor families have lots of kids because…? If we’re talking about Black single moms I think that has to do more with personality and character flaws vs the desire for a large family.
I was reading this article several months ago that said parents of the past chose to have large families, 1) because of the lack of accessible or effective birth control, 2) they needed help with the chores, 3) having lots of kids was an effective retirement plan because the chances are high that at least one would help take care of you in your old age. Now we have dozens of birth control options and even abortions, which are sometimes used as birth control. With parents working in the workplace vs on a farm, there is no need for pregnancy as labor force creation. And with people living longer these days and making more money parents can now afford to take care of themselves once they retire. So around the 1950s parents stopped having large families in favor of 2 or 3 rather than 7 or 8. I wish I could remember the name and author of the article so I could cite my sources. lol
Large families are for the uneducated and poor? No, and I am tired of hearing people talking about how our taxes are supporting the poor who have more children than they can afford. The people who say that are the same one who get a $3000 a year tax break for each one. Wow, so people without children are discriminated against. Why is it fair that single people who chose not to add to the world’s overpopulation, food shortage, unemployment, institutions full of children who have no homes because they weren’t really wanted in the first place. There will become a time where abortion and contraception are only stopgap measures and like in some countries, we will be destroying (yes, murdering children) the female children to prevent any more chance of more procreation. One thing I have noticed over the years is that liberals are liberal minded, meaning they can at least try to see the other side, where conservative people are NOT capable of even looking at, much less trying to, grasp another way of life other than their fearful clinging on of, their routine which they can’t see that there might be another way. They are told, “This is the only way.” Liberals realise there is a whole world of other views and routines that have good and bad in them and don’t need an “exhaulted leader” to teach them how to act. They find their own way. This is why conservatives have to have leaders. The liberal in this context is the real anarchist. Example Given: Recently there is a television store which swaps wives. They used a couple who are rock musicians and have a normal family. Then they used a family who was trying to act a few steps away from being Amish in their religious and emphatically prudish behavior. The husband actually had made a “sacred rule” that women don’t wear pants since that isn’t lady like. Where does it say in the bible that women don’t wear pants? The liberal husband let her ruin his whole house and business to go along with the rules of the show. The conservative husband fought any change and would rather stand punishments for not going along with the changes because as he states, these are his “religious convictions” that were rules he himself made up and have nothing to do with religion. The Conservatives can’t see, even after the wife got the family band fired and lost their livelihood that they did anyting wrong. Their whole attitude is that they didn’t do anything that shouldn’t have been done long ago or “it wasn’t Jesus’s will.” The liberal husband put up with preaching, religious videos, brainwashing his children, etc. the conservative husband doesnt’t really understand what an idiot he seems like. He left his own guests in his own house and took his children to run off rather than live up to the rules. While the conservative wife has ruining the whole home at the liberals house, the conservative husband barely allowed himself to sing and once actually broke a guitar. But his religious stick in the mud attitude about his daughters wearing pants still remains to him as a “religious conviction”. He also wants a family of nine kids since he grew up in one. But, it never occurs to people like that that TIMES CHANGE, WE AREN’T RAISING EXTRA FARM HANDS TO WORK OUR 100 ACRE SQATTED LAND TODAY. That was what life was like for the people who thought that was good. The catholic church is so afraid of not creating one more child, good or not, that they tell people not to wear condoms in this day and age. So, if it occurs some day for someone to see who is dying of aids more, I think if they used religious preferences rather than other demographics, catholics will be on the top of the list.
I am an only child and my husband is an only child and we have one 3 year old son. I am a stay at home mom/entreprenuer, and my husband is a psychologist. As a couple, we share the philosphy that we will not have any more children than we can afford. We enjoy a fairly comfortable lifestyle with just one, if we added another child it would put a strain on our finances. We are still able to eat out on a regular basis, go on nice vacations, enroll our son in enrichment classes, etc… without putting much thought behind it. When it comes to his education, we want to be able to place him in a program that best suits his needs, be it public or private school. Also, grandparents, aunts & cousins don’t mind babysitting 1 or 2 kids, so childcare for date nights is never an issue because no one feels overwhelmed by having to watch “all those kids”. One of my biggest fears is having children and not being able to provide the best life possible for them. I also have to think about (God forbid) if something happend to my husband. I would still want my child to feel as safe and secure as he does today.