As you were planning your wedding did you ever consider or plan for what kind of spouse you wanted to be? I didn’t. I was clear on the outcomes I desired.
My ultimate goal was to be happy in my marriage, have babies, take wonderful vacations, and live in a beautiful and peaceful home. Although I had the vision, I didn’t necessarily have the step by step action plan for arriving there. Nor did I consider what I was going to have to do personally to make any of that happen.
I had a clearer vision, however, of the type of parent I would be. There were enough stellar parents around me that made this goal easily attainable. Marriage, not so much. Marriages were rare in my childhood neighborhood. Finding a good example of one was challenging.
What if you loved your spouse in this way? What if you were to forgive their mistakes and love them despite their flaws? This is what unconditional love looks like in a marriage.
What I’ve learned along the way is that there are quite a few similarities between marriage and parenthood. If I’m great at one I could at least be good at the other. What most married folks fail to realize is that being a spouse is as serious a responsibility as being a parent. Yup, I said it.
Marriage needs to be regarded in the same light. Our role as spouse affects the role we have as parents even more than we thought. We’re shaping our children’s futures by how we show up in marriage.
As Moms and Dads, we are constantly making sacrifices. We drop everything when it comes to the needs of our children. They are easily the priority in our lives and we do our absolute best in making sure they are provided for. Our spouses have similar desires. Married folks have to make sacrifices, especially if they’re doing marriage right. Your spouse should be confident in knowing they are a priority to you.
Parents are usually their child’s biggest fan. Support, encouragement and belief in their abilities makes our children feel like they can accomplish anything. Guess what, your spouse also greatly benefits from your encouragement and support.
Knowing they have you in their corner also makes them feel as though they can take on the world. When was the last time your actions demonstrated how much you believed in your spouse? Everyone needs that kind of pick me up. We need to know there are people who depend on us and trusts the decisions we make.
Unconditional love is another gift we give as parents. Children make mistakes and continue to do so even as they enter adulthood. As parents we continue to shower them with love and forgiveness. It’s unconditional.
What if you loved your spouse in this way? What if you were to forgive their mistakes and love them despite their flaws? This is what unconditional love looks like in a marriage.
Parents can also make requests of their children. We can easily tell our babies when we need a hug or to help us around the house without hesitation. Yet sometimes we aren’t willing to do the same with our spouse, assuming they already know what we need. Marriage is similar in that we have to make our requests known. Having to ask for affection and help with household chores may seem petty, but if you don’t ask you may not receive.
Being a great parent already equips you with what you need to be an excellent spouse. You already know how to make sacrifices, give unconditional love, support and encouragement, and ask for what you need. Those few skills alone will easily make you a great spouse creating an even better marriage.
BMWK, is it true that a great parent can be a great spouse?