Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I read something that you wrote on BMWK and I just felt so compelled to reach out for advice! I have been married to the man I felt was the one from the first time we met at the age of 14-15. We stayed together for a few years, we both were young and did some cheating in the relationship. My cheating landed me a baby at 17 and my husband who was my boyfriend at the time not being the father! We remained friends even though that was a hard blow. He went to jail off and on, and our relationship was the same off and on.

Somewhere down the line we decided to get married. Still very young, and not understanding really what marriage was, we did it anyway. Unfortunately, he landed himself in jail again and I was alone. I also learned about an affair that he had been having. Needless to say, the relationship ended with little to no communication and with him being in jail for about 6 years.

To speed this long story up, he has been in jail off and on most of his adult life and unfortunately I had another child while he was in jail. We got back together in 2011 after he was released from jail. We got married again and had our first child together. Unfortunately, he went back to jail for 22 months. Now, he is back home and is working 2 jobs. I see a change in him. However, he is no longer feeling the relationship. A few months ago, another woman’s husband informed me that my husband was having an affair with his wife. I found nude pictures and I love you messages between them. From what I found, the affair has been going on for 7 to 8 months.

He admitted to cheating because I caught him, but told me that he is not in love with the woman. We entered into marriage counseling and tried to repair our marriage. I wasn’t totally over the whole thing but I was working on me and us. As we were moving forward, I went through his emails and phone and found some more I love you messages between them. Now I feel like we are back at square one. He says he only lied to protect me and didn’t want to hurt me. He says that he doesn’t love this woman and was only saying that to keep her around to make her feel good. I’m lost and confused. I am not sure if he will ever be honest. I want to work it out and keep my family together but I am not sure if it’s worth it now because he continues to lie about the details. I can’t be sure if he really loved her or not. Can My Cheating Husband Change?

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