As the new year rolls in, couples everywhere should be setting 2016 goals for improving their relationships. Together my husband and I will decide what went well this year and our individual areas that need a little tweaking.
In fact this is what I encourage couples to do in my coaching. We must be willing to take an honest assessment of our relationships, and fix what isn’t serving us well.
One common theme I’ve noticed with a few couples is silence. Now don’t get me wrong, they’re communicating about everyday matters, but when it comes to discussing the relationship itself, they choose silence
Silence about the real issues will ruin a marriage. We can’t pretend problems don’t exist or just hope they will disappear. They won’t. In fact, here’s what this dangerous silence will do to your union:
Build resentment
Our holding things in affects us more than we care to admit. If we don’t release it we’ll continue to carry it with us. Which leads to mistreating our partners. It will cause us to be short and snippy with them and angered easily by the little things. Ultimately, this means more arguments and less intimacy.
Lead to infidelity
If we aren’t communicating about our needs or inquiring about our spouse’s, we open the door for others to come in and play on that unmet desire. Other people start to look more appealing than our spouse because our spouse wasn’t given the information they needed to please us. Communicate your needs so your spouse has an opportunity to fulfill them.
Lead to burnout and boredom
If we are silent about feeling overwhelmed with our daily duties or that we need more date nights, our spouse simply won’t know. We could argue that they see what we go through and should know, but until we verbalize it, they won’t know for sure. Break the silence and ask for what you need.
Be a bad example for any children in the household
Our little ones are very perceptive. They’re paying attention and learning rules of engagement by observing their parents. Now do we want them to be unhappy and unfulfilled in their own marriages? We must teach them how to lovingly make requests and not be afraid to say what they feel.
Silence can be a deadly killer to so many areas of our lives, but none greater than our relationships. Couples must break the silence and be vocal about what matters most.
BMWK, how has silence affected your relationship?