A few years ago, I started on a self-discovery journey that has led to some amazing opportunities that I wouldn’t have dreamed possible. When I think about how year after year, my marriage continues to thrive, I know it’s because my husband and I have continued to work on ourselves individually. We understand now that as much as we have to work on our marriage as a unit, the individual pieces to the marriage need to be strong as well.
When I started to put more focus on myself, and take care of my wants and needs, it forced me to face the things that I claimed were holding me back. Here are 5 tips to living your life so your marriage can thrive.
1. Push through the fear & take action
At a conference I attended, the speaker asked attendees to identify one thing that we wanted to do but hadn’t done yet. The one thing that I wrote down was hosting my own live workshops specifically for moms. Up until that point, I just hadn’t done it due to so many excuses that I won’t even bore you with here.
So about a week or two after getting home from the conference, I went online and reserved a room at the library to host my workshop. I had no title or theme, no agenda, and no idea on how I would plan it all out. I had no idea what I would be teaching or who would even attend the workshop. And I gave myself only 4-5 weeks to plan everything. Setting the date was the scariest part because it meant I had to take action. And so I did. Was I scared? Of course! Did I panic? A few times. But if I hadn’t taken that first step in booking the space, I would probably still be talking about wanting to host and facilitate live workshops.
Question: What one thing has fear kept you from doing? Chances are, that one thing, will lead to many great things. If it scares you, do it faster.
2. Perfection is often the enemy of progress
What I learned from setting a date for a workshop that I hadn’t even yet created, was that striving for perfection will keep you stuck and stagnant. We all have great ideas, hopes, wishes, and dreams that we think about. But how often do we actually take a step back to figure out a plan, and to actually take action to get things done?
There were so many things that I wish I would’ve thought to do for my first workshop, or for when I first launched my blog. But there are also things I wish I would’ve done during my most recent workshop I taught, and blog posts I’ve written. The thing is, I’ve learned different lessons from when I started, up until now. I’ve grown a lot through the process and that is exciting. But I wouldn’t be able to improve or get better if I had never gotten started.
I know I’ve become a better person, not just because I’m doing the work, but because my husband has confirmed it with me.
3. Your journey is not about you.
One thing people may not know about me is, that I’m very much an introvert. When I tell you that just three years ago I wanted nothing to do with public speaking, I chuckle knowing that is a major part of what I do now. Three years ago, I made the decision to get out of my own way because I realized that I had a voice that needed to be heard. I realized that I had to help other moms change the way they view self-care, so that they could be a better person for their family. I realized that it’s not okay and shouldn’t be an option for moms to not put themselves first. It’s not an option because it’s a detriment to their survial when they don’t.
This was my journey. And knowing what I know now, I made it my mission to help others realize that being a great mom and being a business owner or executive can go hand-in-hand (it doesn’t have to be one or the other). When I decided to pursue my purpose, I went from overwhelmed to overjoyed, and from frustrated to fulfilled. But I had to get over myself in order to take this first scary step.
Just like your journey isn’t about you, marriage isn’t about you either.
Read the Final 2 Tips on the Next Page
4. You are always in choice
Having the life you want with all the support you want is not easy. Having the life you want and not having support is not easy. Nothing worth pursuing in life is ever easy. However, I’m a firm believer that where there’s a will, there’s a way. We make time and find ways to do the things that really matter to us. And we find excuses not to do the things that don’t. I know several single moms (and “acting” single moms) who are doing amazing things and achieving great goals in their lives. How do they do it? They made the choice.
They made a choice to get or create the support system they needed. They made the choice to design the life they want to have, and not the one that was designed for them. I remember when I interviewed Kym Whitley, and she spoke about how she immediately put together her own village and support system when she made the decision to adopt. We can make an excuse or we can make a choice. But the decision is always ours.
By facing the fact that I’m always in choice, it allowed me to see areas in my marriage where I needed to take responsibility as opposed to adopting new excuses.
5. People are waiting on your gift
I’m not unique in what I do in any stretch of the imagination. So yes, it can be intimidating to decide you’re going to take the plunge and start your own business, especially when there are so many others who are doing the same. But what I realized, is that my message is unique to the people that God has already put in my path to receive it. Just recently, I received two e-mails that confirmed this fact.
One of the e-mails was from someone who had been on my mailing list for the last two years and had never connected with me before. But here is some of what she sent to me:
You’re actually also the one who inspired me to start blogging, LOL. Funny how God uses people and they don’t even know it…your blog (Back when it was “Speak on Faith”) is what led me to you, and your mention of what you referred to as “Spiritual disconnect”, when you decided to leave corporate, really resonated with me. Just seeing where you are now, how far you’ve come, how your platform has grown is so amazing and inspirational to me. Just wanted to let you know.
Wow. This was also confirmation to me that we never know who is watching us and who is being touched by the work that we are doing. So how selfish would it be of us to NOT pursue our purpose, and keep pressing through even when things get a little rough?
The best part about taking all of these steps and carving out time to work on myself, and pursue my dreams and goals? My marriage has never been better. We have so much more to talk about, and are even more on the same page.
BMWK, What one step will you take today to start working on yourself so your marriage can thrive?