Here’s an all too common scenario: She’s fussing because you won’t communicate. You shut down and won’t communicate with her because she’s fussing. You both end up with attitudes and nothing gets solved…..and the cycle continues.
I’m amazed at how sometimes in our marriages we claim to have married our “best friend,” yet we will ignore issues and let them fester and won’t talk to one another to clear them up.
In fact sometimes we will talk to everyone else but our mates and then wonder why things won’t change. Last time I checked, friends, especially BEST FRIENDS don’t treat each other in such a way.
NEWS FLASH neither one of you are mind readers, so what doesn’t get communicated doesn’t get addressed.
Here are a few things you might not be talking about but you need to address immediately!
1) Lack of Attention & Affection
If you want more of it then you need to ask and demand more of it! It does you or your relationship no good to just hope you get the attention you desire, so instead be intentional as a couple about making it happen! Whatever adjustments need to be made, it will be worth it!
2) In-Law Issues
If your in-laws are driving a wedge between you and your spouse, in any way, there needs to be an open and honest dialogue about it! Your in-laws probably aren’t going away any time soon, so some expectations and boundaries need to be set or the cycle will continue. This may get a little uncomfortable, but remember who you took those vows with! The two of you have to be willing to tackle the problem together no matter whose immediate family is the cause of the them.
3) Help in the House
Instead of complaining to all of your friends about how you need help and wished he or she gave you help, start communicating about it and put together a plan to make it happen. Instead of being passive aggressive and letting the frustration take over your relationship, come together and compromise so that you can get back to loving!
4) Being Stagnant & Complacent
If you feel like the relationship isn’t growing and you aren’t working towards a collective vision, then maybe it’s time for a planning session. If you feel like your mate is getting too complacent then maybe you can try supporting each other more instead of calling them lazy or too “comfortable.” Let them know how the ambition turns you on and how the growth in your relationship benefits the both of you. If you get so caught up in the day to day that you never move forward then your relationship will definitely become stale and stagnant.
5) Where’s the Passion?
Where’s the sex? When life happens sometimes this is the first thing that goes out of the window. Unless you become conscious and communicate about it when it’s happening, then it will continue to take a downward spiral. A lack of sex and passion becomes a breeding ground for frustration, wandering eyes, and infidelity. Passion and sex keep us connected but as we get busier we have to be more intentional about making it happen. Take time to be “together!”
6) Show Me the Money!
If you are only having conversations about the finances when something goes wrong, then you are waiting too late. Money can drive a huge wedge in your relationship if it isn’t discussed early and often. It shouldn’t be a dreaded conversation; it should be a welcomed conversation that gets you closer to your family vision and goals.
The point of this blog isn’t to be deep or philosophical, but to simply say that unless we start communicating about the things that matter our marriages will continue to feel more like work and less like two people moving towards common goals and sharing a life together.
Every difficult conversation shouldn’t be one that’s dreaded or a confrontation, but they should be welcomed and productive. If they say communication is the key to successful relationships, then why do we fail to do it so often?
If your spouse is your “best friend” then act like it and communicate with your bestie openly and often!