Let me start off by saying that I have a lot more than one reason for staying with the man I married. Frankly, if we were together for just one reason, I think things would have fallen apart a long time ago. But when I look at our marriage and what it means to me, I am pretty clear about this; out of all the reasons I am happy to be with him, there is one reason that stands out above all the others. Is it love? Nope.
You see, lately I feel like I keep getting hit left and right with stories filled with relationship disrespect, and I am truly at a loss. Whether it’s something the depicted on reality TV or something I observe between two people I know (or don’t know), it seems like people are disrespecting each other left and right and acting like it’s normal. I can’t quite wrap my brain around it.
My husband loves me. He is supportive, encouraging, loyal and a bunch of other great stuff. But you know what matters to me most? The fact that he respects me. Without respect, what we have would not exist. Our relationship would have dissolved long ago. I think my relationship with anyone in my life would dissolve if there wasn’t mutual respect.
When I really examine what makes a relationship work, I don’t see how any relationship can function well without mutual respect. When you respect the person you are with it guides your decisions, it guides your actions, and it guides your words. Being respectful doesn’t mean you are the perfect mate, but it definitely means you value your relationship and your mate in a way that disrespectful people just don’t.
So what exactly is this disrespect I am referring to? Well, it’s pretty clear to me when I see it. Cursing, yelling, being condescending, chronic cheating, being controlling: these are all signs of blatant disrespect. When you respect someone, you behave in a way that shows they play an important role in your life and you value them. If someone doesn’t have the decency to show you that, why do they deserve to be a part of your life?
The true measure of a relationship is how your mate treats you when no one else is looking (including you). Sure, your mate can tell you how special you are, shower you with gifts, and spend all their time with you, but that just isn’t enough. If you are special today but a piece of crap tomorrow, that’s a problem. If you are receiving gifts, but later realize they were charged to your credit card, you need to run in the other direction. If your partner is with you all the time but half of that time involves yelling and name calling, you have to ask yourself why you tolerate it.
I think everyone, both men and women, deserve to be in an intimate relationship where respect is the cornerstone. Anything less is unacceptable. Staying with someone who disrespects you, but excusing it because you believe they love you, is a bad move. True love is expressed through actions and someone who truly loves you won’t consistently treat you like you aren’t worth much.
So yes, I stay with my husband for many reasons and if I had to make a choice again, I would still choose him. But if you ask me to choose the main reason why I stand by his side, I will—without even having to think twice—tell you that I choose to stay by his side because he respects me. It’s as simple as that.
BMWK family, does your mate respect you? Do you respect him or her?