Communication is such a key ingredient for marriage. And if you ask most couples what the main challenge is in the marriage, nine times out ten they say communication. And even if the issue is really something else, it seems like it’s communication because they don’t know how to talk to each other in order to get to a place of resolution. They start off discussing (or arguing about) one thing and inevitably it turns into an argument about how they are communicating.
And while most people desire better communication in their marriage, it’s not necessarily so easy to obtain. You can desire it all you want, but if you aren’t being real about what’s causing the communication breakdowns with your spouse, you may never get to that place.
Read: How We Went From Fussing and Fighting to Being Happily Married for 10 Years
So the first steps to having better communication with your spouse, are, first, admitting that you are having problems and, then, taking actions to address them. Check out these common mistakes couples often make that lead to a breakdown in communication in their marriage. Because with some intentional effort each day, you will go a long way towards having the better communication that you desire.
Being too busy.
Busyness in your life will affect how you communicate. Hectic schedules will have you and your spouse heading in two separate directions. It’s hard to be an effective communicator when you barely talk. I advise couples to slow down and simply enjoy one another’s company. Couples must make it a priority to actually talk. Discuss your marriage, your family and what’s going on with each of you personally.
Being stubborn.
Being set in your ways presents another challenge to the communication in your marriage. If you know you have a problem with listening for example, but aren’t willing to do anything about it, that’s a problem. Being prideful isn’t good for any relationship. Be proactive when it comes to resolving your individual challenge.
Being a bully.
Being hard to talk to is a definite factor in poor communication. Not very many people want to have conversations with someone who is always yelling, using hurtful words or being disrespectful. Be mindful of the power of your words as well as the delivery. They can hurt and sometimes never be forgotten. Couples must be considerate and gentle in how they communicate with one another.
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Being clueless.
Ignoring the fact that you and your spouse actually don’t talk won’t make the challenge disappear. Couples must be honest about the areas needing improvement within their marriage. It’s the only way to get anything resolved. There are relationship coaches and resources to help you navigate through any challenge.
Being untrustworthy.
When there isn’t much trust there also won’t be healthy conversations. It’s hard to be open and honest in our talks if we don’t trust what the other person will do with their words. I always tell couples not to use what they know to hurt their spouse. It’s difficult for people to be vulnerable in their communication when what they say may come back to haunt them. Couples must create a safe space in their marriage to discuss all things.
Being unreasonable.
The last mistake couples make in their communication is thinking they should communicate the same way. Couples must recognize there are two separate individuals within that relationship with two different styles of communication. Each style has to be respected. Understanding that as long as both partners have the same goal, how you get there might be different and that’s ok.
Communication can be so tricky in our relationships. But we can do better when it comes to communicating with one another once we become aware of what we are doing and then take actions to make changes.
BMWK, what other mistakes do couples make that affect their communication with each other?