I had the pleasure of speaking with Jerome and Deborah Mills, and I have to say that their love for each other is truly inspiring as I could feel it even through the phone. Deborah and Jerome were high school sweethearts — she was a cheerleader and he was a football player — and got married at the ages of nineteen and twenty. They have defied the odds by still being happily married after 25 years. They are the proud parents of Brittney (25), Julian (20), and Javan (18), and just welcomed their first grand-daughter into the family six weeks ago, by the name of Jazèh. Check out my interview with them below to see what saved their marriage early on, and what advice Jerome’s mother gave to Deborah when their marriage was on the brink of separation.
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How did your families feel about you getting married at a young age?
Jerome: We had always intended on getting married, just not that soon. When I found out Deb was pregnant, I told her we needed to get married so that we could raise our family correctly. She was in her first year in college. Long story short, our families weren’t really happy that she was pregnant, but the baby was on the way regardless. But we were very mature for our ages.
Deborah: They supported us. We moved to NC the day after we got married because that is where he was stationed (he joined the Marine Corps right out of high school). We had to learn to be independent. We figured out how to make this thing work with just the two of us.
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What were some of your biggest challenges that you faced early on in your marriage, and how were you able to overcome them?
Deborah: The way we started off was happy and in love, not knowing up from down. When the glamour wore off, the reality set in. It was like, ‘Oh, we need real jobs? You mean we have to pay a mortgage now and it’s not $200 a month anymore?’ I had actually left Jerome, for about two weeks. But Jerome’s mother said to me: ‘Deborah Mills: You better take your behind back home! You never open up your home for another woman to come in.’ I will never forget her saying that. But the biggest challenges were all the little silly things that start out small and end up becoming really big; things like putting the toilet paper on the roll right, or not unloading/loading the dishwasher correctly.
Jerome: Right around years 3, 4 and 5, for most couples is when all of that “pretty fluff’ wears off. You realize you actually have to live with this person, and that’s where it starts to be a challenge. Fortunately, my wife was constantly after me about us going to marriage counseling. My parents (who are Pastors now), were able to refer us to another couple who counseled us. The counseling was based on the bible, and it was through the counseling that I understood what marriage was all about, and how to have a successful marriage with God leading the way. That’s really what saved and sustained us. They taught us that we’re going to be more blessed by staying together than we could apart from one another.
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What is your “secret sauce” to a loving and lasting marriage?
Jerome: I would say that the bible is honestly true. I’m able to see my marriage from a whole different perspective. Instead of me saying, ‘What can I get out of this marriage?’ It’s, ‘How can I be a benefit to my family? How can I better serve my wife? How can I be the best father that I can be to my children? My complete mindset has changed towards my marriage.
Deborah: It’s realizing that we are both very different and understanding that those differences are okay.I’m more intuitive and he is more cut and dry. I don’t expect him to know I want a chocolate birthday cake if I don’t actually tell him, and I’m okay with that.
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What impact are you hoping to bring to other married couples through your website and services?
Deborah: The thing that really hit our hearts was the impact the couple (Fred and Joan) had on us early on in our marriage. They took time to sit down with us and teach us about what marriage is supposed to be like, and let us know what the natural roles are of husband and wife. We didn’t have any of that information when we got married. They sat down with us for about a year and a half every week without fail. So that’s what really sparked a fire in us to want to help other couples.
Jerome: They never charged us a nickel; they never asked us for anything. They just opened their house up to us and let us come and learn for as long as we needed to. That is what started our marriage off on the right path and what has enabled our marriage to last as long as it has. We’re hoping we can possibly catch another couple in the same predicament where we were, or even before they get to that point. Some people don’t realize that it’s not that they picked the wrong mate in marriage, they just don’t know enough about how to BE married.
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Deborah: We hope that people will leave there with a renewed sense of hope towards their relationships…not just with your spouse, but with yourself, your child, etc. Good can get better and great can lead to awesome. There’s always growth that can take place. We’re not making a dime off of this Valentine’s Day event. It’s just a hope to bring people together to celebrate love and relationships.
People can register for A Valentine’s Evening with DeborahJerome by going to our website www.deborahjerome.com.
You can connect to Deborah and Jerome through their website, Facebook or Twitter.
BMWK — Please leave a comment below and let us know what inspired you about Deborah and Jerome’s love story?