By Edward C. Lee
This week there has been quite a bit of discussion in the media about a study that came out in the medical Journal of Pediatrics. This University of Michigan study of 1,746 new fathers, suggests that a depressed father is nearly three times more likely to spank their less than one year old child than a father not experiencing feelings of depression. While a father suffering from depression is just as likely to play and sing songs with their child he is also reported to be less likely to read to them. The issues here is not about whether to spank a child or not. Rather the concern is about the factors that would cause a father to spank a child that can not yet differentiate between right or wrong.
Now I have to admit I always look at studies that draw conclusions for the masses based on a relatively small sampling, with raised eyebrows and a skeptical mind. However, the results and subsequent conclusions of this study sort of hit home with me – as a father. Because the suggestion in this and other recent studies about the pressures of being a new father, is that 10% of all new fathers suffer a type of depression similar to the postpartum depression that many women experience. In men, the depression normally occurs when their children are between the ages of 3-6 months old and results in sleep loss, irritability and the desire to withdraw from his family.
I remember as a child how my father, who was an educator, was noticeably different – more relaxed, once the summer months rolled around. He was always a great dad, but once school let out for the summer, his patience with me increased. This shift in behavior is one of those childhood images that I carried into how I deal with my own points of stress as a father. All of us as fathers have our moments where we are overwhelmed with the weight of being a father. But how we manage our stress and frustrations as a dad is essential to raising healthy children – as these studies indicate.
The connections between a man’s behavior and his wife giving birth are interesting because as men we are often taught to be strong. And being strong is not typically associated with admitting that something is bothering us. We can’t really talk to our “boys” about how we are feeling. We feel that our wives won’t understand – on many levels.
So the results of these studies causes me to ponder two questions. First, is it valid that men, black men, experience a form of depression when they become fathers? And second, if true, then where does a man go for help when dealing with the weight of fatherhood, regardless of when the stress level rises?
Edward is an ordained minister, host of the blog: elevateyourmarriage.com, and author of two first of their kind marriage books, Husbands, Wives, God: Introducing the Marriages of the Bible to Your Marriage and his new book, Husbands, Wives, God ““ Weekly Devotions: 52 Weeks of Relationship Enriching Devotions -the only marriage book to go through every marriage in the Bible. Follow Edward on his blog or on Facebook at Husbands, Wives, God.