This came from the comments of another post but we felt it warranted it’s on topic:
I am a single father of six children. I have custody of all six(all are from the same mother). Their mother does not support me financially or emotionally. It is stressing and depressing at times. I Find myself tired, losing focus on the job and alone. I work full time and all my free time is devoted to the kids. Co-workers say I do not smile any more. I have taken the first step in getting help, I have contacted my jobs Employee Assistance Program. There are many support groups for single women with kids but I have been unsuccessful in finding a support group for single fathers with kids.
HER VIEW:
You are right, there probably are not many support groups for single fathers with children. You will probably have to search the internet yourself to find support groups or blogs for single fathers. I also think that the support groups with single mothers would be helpful to..as those single mothers could be an excellent resource for you. You have taken a good first step by recognizing that you need help and seeking it. Since you are not married, please turn to your friends, your family, and your church.
In order for you to be the best dad that you can be, you need to focus on your happiness. You need to find a way to have some me time. Some time to focus on your self and your happiness and your well being. We did a post about Overwhelmed Moms that explained that:
“.... busy moms should stop trying to reach perfection and focus more on their happiness, attitude and state of mind. “I think that the first thing we’ve got to do is recognize that especially as mothers, but all of us, our state of mind and our attitude is our most precious gift that we give to each other,” he says. “Every day, we ought to wake up and we ought to say: “˜How is my state of mind today? Am I losing ground?’ If I am, I better address that first because the rest of the stuff I do won’t be worth anything if I’m harried and hassled and in a bad mood.”
That quote applies to any parent, not just moms. But how can you find some free time? Wake-up early before the kids get up. Pray, read the paper, have some coffee, exercise, dream, write down goals, read a book…just use that as me time. You should also get out more often to hang out with your friends. If you don’t have kids that are old enough to watch some of the younger kids, then perhaps you can find a reliable sitter in your area. Sometimes asking people to watch a lot of kids is overwhelming. ….so we will split them up from time to time. We ask a sitter to watch the 2 babies and then our fifteen year-old will watch the six year old.
Also, I don’t know from comment if you are a religious person, but the church is an excellent resource for you and the family. If you don’t have a good church home, I suggest you look into joining a good church family.
HIS VIEW:
Wow I think TheMom hit a lot of it on the head. Like she said try to find a way to get some time for yourself to do something on your own or with your friends. You need to be able to renew and refresh. It will be better not only for you but for the kids also when you return. We always use splitting the kids up as a baby sitting option, it’s too much for us to ask someone to let us drop 4 kids off for the night. Besides what TheMom said also try exercising maybe before the kids get up or maybe reading after they go to sleep (if you’re not sleep with them) just anything to steal some time to focus on yourself and building you up. You definitely should try searching the web for folks in similar situations (everything is on the web) and seeking out help from a church or your local government. If they don’t have a program normally they can direct you to one. Also you may want to consider blogging, if you can’t find a place on the net that has your situation create one. Then the people will come to you instead of you going to them. Blogging can be great therapy and we definitely learn a lot from the relationships we have with our readers.
BMWK family, chime in and let this great dad know what you think about his situation and what he can do to get his groove back.