by Aja Dorsey Jackson
Ahhh the Duggars. No other reality television family has the ability to make me both adore them and simultaneously think that they are 21 flavors of crazy. In case you don’t watch the show, Duggar parents Jim Bob and Michelle gave birth last week to a baby girl 3 months early, bringing their kid count up to 19. They are part of a religion called Quiverfulls, which condemns birth control and believes that God will bless you with the number of children that you are supposed to have. It also stresses a conservative lifestyle and somewhere along the line must require that all of its followers look like characters from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. In the first episode that I saw, Michelle Duggar said that children are like flowers and you can never have too many. After that I continued to tune in to see what I believed would be a crazy train wreck ensue.
Despite the heavy criticism that they have received, and the fact that I once thought they were absolutely bonkers, and still do, there are things about the Duggar family that I like. At least in front of the cameras, Jim Bob and Michelle seem to have a loving relationship. Unlike many television families, they appear to genuinely enjoy each others company, treat each other with mutual respect, and after 19 babies and 20 plus years of marriage they still manage to heat it up enough to make another every year. They have well behaved, hard working kids and place the value of God and family above anything else. Plus, their crazy pales in comparison to the other supersized families cashing in on their large broods, i.e. Jon and Kate Gosselin and Octomom,
Yet there are problems that I have with their overall belief and the message that it may be sending. Recently I was looking at a message board full of women who, inspired by the Duggars, were opting to live a Quiverfull lifestyle, abandon birth control, and have as many kids as possible. While I believe that every child is a blessing, does believing that God will provide make having armies full of children a responsible act? Furthermore, the belief doesn’t take into account the physical condition of the mother or the baby. At age 43, doctors believe that complications leading to the baby’s premature birth were likely due to Michelle’s age and that she will likely have the same problem in future pregnancies. Shouldn’t knowing that a pregnancy could cause a dangerous situation for a mother and child lead you to take action to prevent it?
Still, having boatloads of children is not a new phenomenon. My grandmother is one of nine children which wasn’t an uncommon family size when she was born. My own great-great grandmother beat out even Michelle Duggar with 21 kids and somehow they made it. Truth be told, my own desire not to have any more than my own two children is probably somewhat selfish and materialistic. As much as I love being a mommy, I also love being able to pursue my career. I want to be able to provide my children with a nice home and nice things, family vacations, and a college education. And if I’m going to be 100 percent honest with you and myself, I have no desire to add any additional stretch marks to my body or have to take time to lose post-pregnancy weight.
Like Michelle said, children are like flowers. But to me that means that they need care, nurturing, and the right environment to grow.
Does my thinking that you can absolutely have too many make sense, or is it just another symptom of society’s selfishness? What factors have led you in your own family planning and family size?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. She can be reached at [email protected]
I think every family has to make that decision for themselves. I’m with you. I had enough kids where I felt I could still give them the love and attention and lifestyle that I could afford.
Now, I don’t mind the Duggars for all the positive reasons you quoted. Loving marriage, good kids, hard-working, etc. But I do have a problem with the fact that so many of their kids had to become “second mommies,” and be helpers with the little ones to the point where they are raising all their little brothers and sisters. Now, that probably works for them (and really, how else could Michelle and Jim Bob do it?). But I wonder if any of the kids secretly (or openly) wish they had more of Mommy and Daddy’s attention, which isn’t a selfish thing for kids to wish for. When you bring home a newborn, yet you have a 17,16, 15,14, 13,12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3, 2 year-olds, AND a 16 month-old, how much attention can you possibly give each kid individually? Someone explain it to me.
.-= Tara´s last blog ..give.donate.please. =-.
What is it going to take for them to realize that Michelle Duggars uterus is tired? A baby being born 3 months early is serious. We all know why this happened because she is high risk. I think the family is cute but I would hate for her future pregnancies to end in death of one or the other’
Another part of the Quiverfull movement is building an “Army of God” they believe that if each of the Duggars 19 children also has 19 children and so on (which would be over 300 people in just 3 generations) and other Quiverfull families do the same; they will produce enough Christians to literally take over the world.
I don’t think everyone can do what they do but I have a lot of respect for their choice. I believe that she should stop if her doctor recommends. I think there can be too many children but only in a family that can’t handle it (I know families with less children that seem a mess). I know it isn’t easy but Michelle Duggar makes it look easy. I know its not but I love how enthusiastic she is about it. I also think their children are great (so well-behaved and loving) and don’t see anything wrong with the older children helping raise the younger children. (I think its sad that our society has gotten away from the village mentality.) And since she home schools them she probably spends more time with them than many working mothers do.
I’m married and in my 30’s but I don’t have any children and don’t plan to for a few more years. Yes, I’m being selfish, right now. I only plan to have 2 children because I don’t think me and my husband will be able to financially support more than that. If we’re able to, I’ll probably have more.
Correction: The Duggars aren’t Quiverfulls. When they first got married, they used birth control for several years and Michelle had a miscarriage. This caused them to vow to never use it again and let God take over. Look it up!
The Duggars began their journey of having children and letting God take over after the miscarriage. BuThey did, however become Quiverfulls. It is not something that the show stresses because it would likely alienate viewers. Here is one link to an article that talks about the fact that they are indeed Quiverfulls. There are many others. https://www.newsweek.com/id/189763.
Why is there a problem the Duggar Family is sending. I recently started watching and I believe this family has it going on! The children are well mannered. They dont raise their voices or cuss at the children. They are home schooled. The husband and wife is loving. and the most important point – THEY CAN AFFORD IT!!
The lord blessed Abraham and he is blessing the Duggars. Now would i do it no but who am i to judge. As long as my tax dollars are not paying for mom to buy hoagies and chinese food with her food stamps i am not mad at them.
Again, here we go with this site judging folks. get it together folks. If she has another 10 kids or die on the table the are her and husband choices. Not yours and not mine.
Though I personally wouldn’t opt to have 19 children, I don’t think there is a problem with the Duggar family. I agree with Judas, the family can afford it. Now, if they continuously had children and could not afford it…then I would think there was a problem.
First of all, I thought I was the only one that watched this show…my husband does not understand why I watch it. I have mixed feelings. Like many of you that have commented already..they seem happy…Michelle and Jim seem to have a good relationship ..and they seem to have good kids. But something is tugging at me…like something is not quite right here. Perhaps it’s that I only have 4 kids and she has 19 kids and I can ‘t imagine why or how she is making it and still keeping a smile on her face. But I decided not to judge… perhaps it’s her/their calling to have all of those kids and to show the world that you can still raise your kids in this society and stick to your morals and standards.
Yes, they are on the extreme side of things.. but overall I think we might be able to learn a few things from the Duggars. My father is one of ten and many of my great aunts had 10 or more kids too.
I just hope they are listening to their doctors and will make the right choices when it comes to the health of the babies and of Michelle.
@ Ronnie. As bizarre as I think it is, overall I think that they do show some things that we can learn from, but I also agreed with the feeling that something isn’t right which led me to look more into the Quiverfull movement overall.
There is a lot of info about the growing movement out there, some of it I get and some of it I actually find kind of disturbing. The problem I have is not so much with the Duggars themselves, but the fact that there are a number of people that have been inspired by the Duggars to join this movement to have tons of babies. The Duggars can afford it, but they get paid lots of money to be on a reality show to help them afford it. I just don’t believe that there are that many families in the US that can afford to do the same. I do think that there are a lot of people out there that miss the fact that this is a reality show, not reality. You can’t see what goes on in this family when the cameras stop rolling.
I recently saw an episode of the Secret Life of Women which talked about how they don’t listen to doctors when it comes to family planning. Even if the dr says the mother will die if she has a baby, its just expected that one of the older daughters will step in to raise the children after her death.
Hi Aja I need to do some research on this Quiverfull movement as I really don’t know a lot about it. But that is a good point in itself…people are making life decisions based on what they see on a TV show. We have to remember that this show is being edited and we see only what they want us to see. Michelle could several nannies and lots of help that we don’t see on screen. I missed the last couple of episodes…I need to get caught up.
Not even just edited but scripted as well. Out of town trips and adventures on all of these shows, every epidosde. Who’s reality is this?
I think that they are a loving couple and they seem to get along great on TV. I am struggling with infertility so for them to be able to have all of those kids, I would definitely say it is a blessing. My husband and I kinda feel like they do about having as many kids as the Lord blesses us with but not to that extreme. We cant afford 19 kids so I would use wise judgement if I felt we were going overboard, as well as I would ask God for guidance. If you can ask him to open your womb, Im sure you can ask him to close it. I dont care what religion they are but when you have a miscarriage or are faced with infertility it is tough! So when you do have those babies, you cherish them, which I am sure she and he does.
I believe my 2 kids are enough for me based mainly on the financial aspect of providing for our children. In order to provide for my children it is necessary for me to work outside of the home. I am now contemplating moving closer to extended family so that I have more of a support network that will allow me to work and attend graduate school.
My OPINION(not judgement) is that if you can do it then go right on ahead. It is written in the bible ‘be fruitful and multiply’. They are following God’s word. Would I do it? No, but I’m not them.
My question is directed @Judas: why do you feel opinions being posted are judgements? Just wondering. I never took anyone’s comments to be a judgement but an opinion that they share.
I think they are great. I haven’t watched the show other than for a few episodes, but from what I can tell, they are a pretty great and well balanced family.
I am glad they are using their reproductive freedom…its sad that in this country, people are so vested in other people’s family sizes (or lack thereof) that there even needs to be opinions on it. Its an intensely personal thing.
They are making it work beautifully and I applaud them for that.
MissJay, I actually enjoyed reading the article but something struck me as I was reading…the words “crazy” “bonkers” “dr. quinn (tv show)” & their “religion”.
Now i live in Penna. We have the Amish. I graduated from Penn State U & they became a part of my surroundings. They too have many children, well mannered & close knit family who can afford to take care of their own. So the Duggars lifestyle is not foreign to me as was put by the author – Dr Quinn Medicine Woman.
Michelle & her husband do not recieve most of their money from the reality show. If you watch you were told that he has quite a few commercial business properties and was told to get his finances in order several years ago. And JimBob did!
This family may not be perfect but darn I am happy to see they are living and walking as much as possible like Jesus Christ wants us all. Yes, I believe there was some snide nasty judgement in the article.
Judas,
You are entitled to your opinion but I do occasionally get the feeling that you are not readint articles in their entirety.
“Jim Bob and Michelle seem to have a loving relationship. Unlike many television families, they appear to genuinely enjoy each others company, treat each other with mutual respect, and after 19 babies and 20 plus years of marriage they still manage to heat it up enough to make another every year. They have well behaved, hard working kids and place the value of God and family above anything else. ”
Do I think that the Duggars are strange,in my world they are, but I clearly believe that they display very good qualities that we could learn from? I even point to the fact that my own decision not to have more kids is probably a result of my own, and society’s own selfishness.
The Duggars did seem to be financially secure before the show. They did not, however, have the mansion, the constant family vacations etc. before the show. Do I think that it makes sense for a whole bunch of people to watch what they see on television, take it at face value, and think that they can make it a successful reality in their own lives, absolutely not. And if that belief equates to snide judgement then so be it.
Aja, i did read the article and i said i enjoyed it except for the words the words “crazy†“bonkers†“dr. quinn (tv show)†& their “religionâ€. i am quite sure if someone questioned your religion you may start a “Holy War” or you may turn the other cheeck. i dont know. my statement was and i stick to it they can have as many children as they WANT this isnt China!
I was the neighborhood mom when my kids were growing up(they still bring home strays though) . I love a house full of kids but at the end of the day, I can take them back home. I do watch this show and find it amazing. They get along and work well together. I love that one show was “role reversal” the girls learned how to work on a vehicle and the boys learned to cook, clean and do laundry. “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” and what they have going it does work for them. The kids are very well rounded. If that is all you know , who are we to judge. Yes they do have a bigger home and many more material things, 5 washers and dryers, (that’s a parents dream, are any of these kids going to leave and go to college and come back home with a months worth of laundry)? LOL. They are not abusing the kids, nor ignoring them. I don’t see any of the kids trying to run away. Now if we were talking about “Amish” kids that’s another story.
I am not sure what is wrong with the Duggars having so many children. My grandmother had 16 children. They are all healthy and thriving individuals with families of their own. I am not sure who stated that they are having their children be little mommies and daddies but I disagree. The older siblings helping the younger siblings is simply building a strong family bond. These kids can’t experience resentment because they learn coming out of the womb that family takes care of family. I watch the show because I love their family values and how they keep it calm with their children. Their lifestyle looks pretty positive to me, so I don’t understand the bad influence. I guess it would be loving your family, taking care of your brother or sister, staying out of debt, helping your fellow neighbor, obeying your mother and father. I am keeping my head up for this family because I think we all have a thing or two to learn from them whether they have 2 kids or 19 kids.
My pastor has taught if you have one child, you have multiplied so it all will depend on what your perspective is. They are adults and all the medical “experts” can do is give them facts or best guesses, because every woman is different, but it is still their decision. In the future (age 60 or so) Michelle will probably have to have her pelvic muscles tightened so as not to loose continence because unlike the Gosselings and Octo, she is having her kids vaginally and pretty much one at a time which loosens the pelvic floor. While the multiple birth mothers are laid up in the hospital for the last 60-90 days trying to get the kids born and the cover of a tabloid magazine to pay their hospital bills, Michelle is waddling around the house with her family of helpers.
If other women are inspired by them, that is something that they and their husbands need to prayerfully discuss, and I’m sure the Duggars tell them to prepare financially since they did. Men use to not marry til they showed they could provide for a family, and while I’d wouldn’t say not marry or have kids cause you ” can’t afford to” yet, if you keep thinking that way, you never will. Then there is nothing wrong with being poor, but having 20 kids and running to the welfare office with a an able bodied husband at home (or one who disappears because he didn’t realize what he was getting into) is not the wise, nor godly thing to do.
But there really is no room to criticize the Duggars specifically, as points have been made they are debt free, and give to others. The children are well mannered, clean, healthy, educated, talented. Some people got 1-2 kids/adult off spring running the streets being absolute hellions cause they are too busy to raise those 1-2 right. Sometimes their trips are scripted cause people want to have them out for promotions and to promote their christian lifestyle. But if TLC found someone more interesting to deal with or the duggars said hey, we don’t like the way TLC is handling the Gosseling issue and we’ll finish this contract but we’re parting ways, they would not be hurt by it.
I think that our society is pretty hypocritical when it comes to certain issues. If you look at the Duggar family, whether or not you like it, what they are doing seems to work. They are debt-free, built their huge home with their own hands, home-school their children (who appear happy, I might add), they eat well (not on our government), have several lucrative businesses, live by Christian values, and exhibit love (at least in front of the camera).
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. We promote abortions. We have sex glorified on the television. Our women dress provocatively on videos and dance very sensually, causes our young girls to model after them. Swinging from poles is popular now. There is an HPV vaccine to prevent the disease, when abstinence is the cure. There are drugs prevelant in our schools. Lots of teenagers over-consume alcohol, and it isn’t even legal for them. Teenagers and young adults die in car accidents under the influence. Profane language is okay on the television, but you can’t say ‘Jesus.’ The list goes on.
So when did we gain the right to judge the lifestyle of the Duggar family. I think we have missed the mark as a society. I think we are crazy for allowing reduced values to be the standard and they are on a steady decline. And while it is awesome for a family to plan out how many children they would like and can afford, it is not wrong when a family decides to trust God. If you have no faith in Him, what do you have? If you are not a believer, would you understand the spiritual things?
I say, leave the Duggars alone and let us start working on our own families!
I think Michelle got that from Mother Teresa speaking against abortion (and possibly birth control): “How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers.”
i think the duggars are doing really great!!!the duggars can have how many kids they want there the ones supporting them … so no one has no room to talk
good god… use a condom or the rhythm method folks… or — better yet — just keep your clothes on. Is the father a meth or coke dealer to afford 19 kids… I have 2 teenaged sons and can barely keep them fed and clothed as it is. To have this many kids is actually what I would classify as “narcissistic” — it's all about them and reproducing themselves (because, they must assume, they are so damned awesome). .. and a TV network rewards them a show! GAG! and gimme a break.
Don’t hate
It is ridiculous to keep pumping out babies like animals having a litter. Those children are the victims of two narcissistic people who have ulterior motives. I am sick of Michelle gushing about her tired uterus and the father should keep his pants on or use birth control. The worse was when she had all of her children staring at her genitals while she was pushing one out. Yet she displays false modesty by wearing Omar the tentmakers clothes and making her girls dress like clones of her. This whole show is disgusting and people should stop watching the madness.
You really need JESUS!!! Birth control is wrong! If you have faith in the one and only father YAHWEH, then that means that He is the one that has the control, not you. Anyways, if people want to have 40 children, and they can obviously feed, clothe, and protect them, then it is none of your business. The Duggars have JESUS, they are living the true Christian lifestyle, unlike everyone else who want to act like they have control of what is not theirs in the first place. If indeed you are a Christian, then that means that JESUS is the HEAD of your life. If HE wants you to have children, it is his will, not yours. Don’t let Satan fool you. Birth control is the same as an abortion. Have faith in God. All Praises, Honor, Glory, and Blessing to the most High YAHWEH YAHSHUA!!!!!
You really need JESUS!!! Birth control is wrong! If you have faith in the one and only father YAHWEH, then that means that He is the one that has the control, not you. Anyways, if people want to have 40 children, and they can obviously feed, clothe, and protect them, then it is none of your business. The Duggars have JESUS, they are living the true Christian lifestyle, unlike everyone else who want to act like they have control of what is not theirs in the first place. If indeed you are a Christian, then that means that JESUS is the HEAD of your life. If HE wants you to have children, it is his will, not yours. Don’t let Satan fool you. Birth control is the same as an abortion. Have faith in God. All Praises, Honor, Glory, and Blessing to the most High YAHWEH YAHSHUA!!!!!
I’ve been married for 17 years and I’ve never used birth control. I have three kids now. My husband would sometimes use a condom but I hated it and always told him to take it off. I have three kids, but I’m one on those people who wanted to have 11. Eleven because I always wanted a big family, ever since I was a teenager and I grew up playing soccer and there are 11 players on each side. I thought with 11, they would always have someone to play, talk to and there would be a lot of extended family after I die. I believe the whole point of God creating humans is for us to populate and teach our kids and others about God.
Anyway, we ended up with only three children because of porn. My husband always chose the porn CD’s, videos, internet, cell phones over having actual sex. I believe if chose the latter, we would have had 11 instead of three. I was a wall street female worker, working overtime until 11:00
midnight. Once I had my first child my whole perspective on life changed. I believe to really raise your kids, you have to raise your kids. Not the baby sitter, after-school day care, grandma or any other alternative. Yes, people may help you, but the load should fall on either the mother or father. Especially I was one of those people who had very short labor and labor pains that weren’t unbearable. so I think I would have been the right candidate to have 11 children. That lady on the t.v. show I hope she had those children because she wanted to and not because of her husband or the church. Because at the end of her life on her death bed she should be grateful for having those kids
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