Of course there are several scriptures in the bible speaking directly to marriage, like “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” from Genesis 2:24 and “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” from Ephesians 5:22.
And while they too are the guidelines for a healthy marriage, there is one speaking directly to character that can truly transform your role as spouse, and strengthen your marriage overall.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
As married couples we oftentimes don’t give as much energy or attention to our individual character as it relates to our relationship. For me, this scripture reminds me to simply be a good person. And who benefits from my being a good person more than my husband?
First, Colossians 3:12-14 reminds us what we are chosen. We must be special to have been chosen, holy, and dearly loved. Being loved and thought of in that way by God, should give us a sense of pride, ownership, and responsibility. Thinking about what we did and didn’t do to earn that love should make us more apt to share it or pay it forward.
All of the ideas that make a marriage great are highlighted here. For when you clothe yourself in anything, you own it and you wear it, consistently. Aren’t these behaviors ideal to wear? Especially in our marriage.
Let’s dig even deeper and hopefully it will inspire your marriage as well.
Compassion, a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. First, let me say I never want to be responsible for my husband suffering in any form or fashion. So there are certain words, phrases and behaviors I must prevent in order for that goal to be accomplished. His heart and its well being has to be my priority.
Kindness, of a good or benevolent (desiring to help others) nature or disposition, as a person.
If we can be kind to strangers, why do we struggle with being kind to the people we love? I know, sometimes they can aggravate us. However, if I “wear” kindness it becomes who I am no matter what my spouse does.
Humility, the quality or condition of being humble (not proud or arrogant; modest) to be humble although successful, modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank. One spouse isn’t more important than the other. When we admit our flaws and apologize for our mistakes we’re demonstrating the level of maturity healthy marriages are made of.
Gentleness, kindly; amiable: a gentle manner. Our spouse is human; they have feelings too, even when they seem tough as nails. We have to always be mindful of the impact our words and actions can have on their spirit. Being gentle and better yet, understanding, of who they are will absolutely transform the way you connect to one another.
Patience, the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. Can you imagine what marriage would look like if more couples practiced patience? They would be stronger for sure. This is usually the hardest to practice. We usually have so many ideas on who our spouse should be and how they should behave, that when they don’t measure up we lose that patience. We have to be willing to accept and love who they are. And even when there are some changes they must make personally, we have to love them through it.
Love heals what’s broken. It strengthens the weak. And more importantly it helps us survive anything.
Forgive, to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve. This one is the toughest, but also the most necessary. God has always and continues to forgive us. Who are we that we can’t? Not only should we offer it, but we should ask for it as well whenever we are in the wrong.
And the last remaining, which connects them all is love.
Love, a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. God loves us even when we don’t deserve it. Why can’t we love our spouse in this way? Love heals what’s broken. It strengthens the weak. And more importantly it helps us survive anything.
If we wore these traits, actually becoming these traits, what an amazingly beautiful marriage we would create. One pleasing to God and true to His intention for marriage.
BMWK, which scripture speaks life into your marriage?