Fellas, fellas, fellas. Can we talk?
I’m privy to a lot of the conversations you have about your frustrations with the ladies, especially your thoughts about the ladies who say there are no good men out there. Because as a matchmaker, men tell me all their secrets on a regular basis. (Ok, not all of their man secrets, but enough to get their player’s card pulled!)
I also get to hear from the sisters about your behavior on dates, through our feedback sessions. These sessions consist of post-date interviews of the man and the woman I set up, to find out what they think about each other and whether they want to see each other again. I’ve had to surprise some men with not-so-good ratings of their date. Because while they thought they had the second date in the bag, they had totally turned off the woman they wanted to impress.
I also get to spy on your online dating profiles. Every week, I log into my clients’ pages and help them pick out great men to chat with and I coach them on how to screen out the crazies and connect with good guys, like you.
Bottom line, I’ve seen a lot of interesting things.
Your game is wack!
And I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just gonna say it: Your game is wack. I know you’re a great guy, but unless you fix these top 3 mistakes, you’re gonna keep getting stuck with women who are only interested in how much you make, what kind of car you drive, and whether or not you want to get married tomorrow! If you follow my advice, though, you’ll find yourself meeting a different type of woman, someone who knows how to appreciate a good man.
So let’s get right to it, shall we?
Mistake #1: You talk about what you don’t want in your profile (or on a date)
I’ve read profiles where you say things like;
“I’M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN AT ALL, BUT THE REALITY IS”
“Ladies don’t look at my pics over, and over, and over again, not say anything, and then expect me to”
“IT WON’T HAPPEN unless, your just that FLY TO ME LOL!!!’
“And don’t get offended if I ask for full body pictures when you don’t have them posted on your page. I don’t want any surprises! Would you expect to buy a car without a test drive? Then why should I meet you for a coffee date without knowing what you look like.”
Not only did you violate the internet grammar rules that state typing in all caps is equivalent to screaming in real life, and not only do you have typos in this rant, but you come across as a jerk who doesn’t want to talk to women who aren’t that fly to you.
I know you just don’t want to waste your time, and you don’t like having to tell a sister you’re not that interested. But, you’re making a big mistake by leading with what frustrates you instead of what fascinates you about a woman. That negative energy ain’t cute.
Mistake #2: You send all women the same first message
It goes something like this:
“Hello gorgeous, how was your day? I must say you’re a very attractive woman.”
I’m sorry to say, but a woman can tell when you’re feeding her the same line you’re giving to everyone on the site. A quality woman doesn’t just want a compliment about her beauty. And she doesn’t feel comfortable with you using pet names when you don’t even know her real name yet! Instead of the corny one liners, take the time to read her profile and find one thing you think is interesting about her and ask her a specific question about it. That will get the conversation going and she’ll feel special, instead of like one of the women in your rotation.
Mistake #3: You try too hard (or you don’t try hard enough)
I know these seem like two opposite problems, but I think they come from he same place: a lack of understanding what women want. I know the sisters can be confusing sometimes. They’ll say they want a good man, but then when they find out you don’t make enough money or you aren’t as tall as they’d imagine, they reject you. I also know rejection is like kryptonite to a brother and so you want to avoid it all costs. However, when you send her messages like:
“I’m looking for my last girlfriend on this site. I’ve been burned a lot so I’m about to take down my profile on March 1st. Here’s my number if you want to talk.”
You come across as a nice guy who needs anger management classes. A woman doesn’t want to feel like saying “no thank you” will send you over the edge. You want her to feel comfortable with you. Then, and only then, will she make a connection with you. She doesn’t want to hear about all of the online dating problems you’ve had in the past, bruh. It’s not a good look.
You come across as trying to hard when after she lets you down easy with a “I don’t think we’re a good match but good luck” message, you reply with “Did you change your mind? lol I’m a very good person,” or you flood her inbox with a bunch of poems you wrote about her last night. That’s a huge turnoff and it puts you in the stalker territory. Assume she’ll like you (and if she doesn’t, move on because someone else will).
Treat each woman like an individual on these dating sites by taking them time to read her profile. Then, send her a specific, genuine compliment. This will show her that your’e interested in getting to know who she is as a woman. And if you really want to make a good first impression, please take down those selfies of you in the gym or with your boys in the club. Delete the pics where your arm is around another woman, because the ladies can’t tell if that’s your sister, your ex, or the woman you’re with right now! Replace them with some quality (professional) photos of you in a nice button down shirt, or a nicely tailored suit so you make a good impression.
I want you to win fellas!
BMWK, what other online dating tips do you have for the guys? Post them below!