By Saretha Pyant
For most, dating is fun and exciting because you are meeting new people, exploring your city, and discovering what works for you and what doesn’t. However, for others, dating is an endless cycle of awkward dates, unreturned calls/texts, and strained conversations. Then, one day, a breath of fresh air emerges from nowhere emitting feelings of happiness, hope, and optimism for the future. Things are going well thus far as the two of you are consistently seeing each other, sharing, calling and texting.
Subsequently, things slowly come to a halt…calls become infrequent, there are more days between time spent, and their display of interest becomes inconsistent. You begin to notice the subtle shift in your relationship which causes you to assess whether the course of the relationship is moving at a healthy steady pace or are things at a standstill. If the latter is true, you begin to decide whether your best course of action is to either walk away or try harder.
It is a natural reaction to panic and try to “fix” the dynamic in the relationship that you thought was going well. However, you must know that it is often a downhill battle to attempt to ignite the spark that was initially there in the beginning when one party loses interest. The fact of the matter is that when it comes to matters of the heart, you should never have to TRY anything. Think of other relationships in your life that just CLICK…effortlessly.
A friend of mine refers to these types of relationships as low maintenance high impact. No matter the amount of time elapsed you always pick up where you left off. A low maintenance high impact relationship is usually a reciprocal relationship in which both parties pour into the other without the other party feeling drained. Not only should your platonic relationships reflect the aforementioned dynamic but your romantic partner should pour into you, support you, listen to you, love you, push you, guide you (when needed), and pray for you as well.
The moment you realize that you are not receiving what you are pouring into your relationship is cause for concern. A relationship is a place where you should go to give, without the expectation of receiving. If both parties approach the relationship with the same mindset, along with an open and giving heart and mind, then both parties will receive what they pour into the other.
Food for thought when discerning whether to stay or walk away:
- When he/she does not want to commit/become exclusive
- When he/she has a total disregard for your feelings
- When their behavior is inconsistent
- When he/she does not put forth effort to sustain the relationship nor friendship
- When he/she cannot admit when they miss you
- When he/she can live without you
- If he/she does not include you in their life (i.e: meeting family/friends, incorporating you into their daily routine)
- If/When the relationship becomes toxic
- If he/she does not support your goals
- If he/she does add value to your life
BWMK, do these questions help re-evaluate your relationship?
Saretha is a Certified Life Coach, specializing in lifestyle management and relationship coaching, with a background in psychology and addiction counseling. She received her bachelor’s degree from Clark Atlanta University located in Atlanta, Georgia. Saretha decided to follow her passion of helping individuals build and maintain healthy relationships because she knows first hand how imperative healthy relationships are in contributing to the overall progression of personal development. However, most importantly the love and growth of self is the fueling force behind the creation of Introspectively Speaking.