During some point in many marriages things get common. It becomes the same routine day in and day out. Some occasionally get comfortable with the ordinary and neglect to keep the excitement and fire burning. The dating stops, spontaneity halts and both partners end up just being in their marriage instead of living in the marriage. During that time is when many couples are challenged.
It’s very easy to become distracted at these moments. Someone could easily catch our attention by telling us how highly they think of us. Especially if we haven’t heard it from our spouses in a while. One can fall into the trap that leads to temptation and ultimately infidelity.
As adults we are quite aware of our actions and the results that could possibly follow. We also know when we aren’t fighting temptation but giving in to it. By laughing at awkward unwanted advances (from co-workers or friends) instead of putting our foot down and demanding we and our relationship are respected. Also, when we are on a mission to prove we still got it and desire for someone other than our spouses to notice. If our spouse is still attracted to us, isn’t that really all that matters? Enjoying the attention is also a huge problem. Consistently putting ourselves in compromising situations and initiating any questionable behavior makes someone an easy target for infidelity. Staying present and aware of all the little signs that can damage your marriage is the first step.
If you have ever found yourself fighting temptation know that you are not alone. Below are a few recommended tips:
“¢ Walk away. Removing yourself from enticing situations immediately is one of the most realistic plans. You don’t have to stay in a tempting situation. I even recommend taking a time out. Stop, think, pray or call that trusted friend who can help talk you off the ledge but won’t judge you.
“¢ Talk about it. Be honest with yourself about why the attention of another caught your interest. Is there something your spouse could improve? If so, share with your spouse what you want and give them the first chance to fulfill your needs.
“¢ Consider what you stand to lose. Breaking the heart of the one you love, disappointing and setting a negative example for your children and simply destroying your family are all possible outcomes.
“¢ Take it back to the beginning. Reminisce about the beginning of your relationship. What drew you to your spouse? What was it like before life got all up in the way? Sometimes you may even have to rebuild. Of course children and careers change things, so it may not be feasible to go back to what we had, but what about reinventing the marriage.
“¢ Take action. Turn that attention toward your spouse. All the flirting and putting forth the extra effort into looking our best can all be done with our spouse in mind.
“¢ Be the spouse you want your spouse to be. Think about all the love and attention you desire and make sure you are supplying it to your mate.
“¢ Trust that you are exactly where you are and in the exact relationship you are in for a purpose. Remember exes are exes for a reason. That time has come and gone. There is a reason you both chose another and ended the relationship.
“¢ Don’t suffer in silence. Seek a pastor or a relationship professional if you struggle and can’t seem to keep your focus on your marriage.
“¢ Don’t make excuses like “I’m only human.” You’re only a human who has complete control of their actions.
Remember, you don’t have to fall victim to temptation. Stay focused on what God has joined together. In order to stay committed to your spouse, first be willing, always communicate what you’re feeling and take every precaution possible to maintain a healthy marriage.
How do you fight temptation?
Lady Pharanda says
I’m glad you brought those things to light! I’m going to send my man a love letter (via FB) right now letting him know some of the things I adore about him. I’ll confess my insecurities that lead me to want attention from potentials, and be upfrom about why and what I need from him. I won’t stop at that, but ask him what he needs from me to keep him involved and feeling adored. He’s so worth it, and so am I. All we have to is communicate effectively and purposefully. Thank you.
Tiya says
Lady Pharanda, great ideas! Love that. Thank you
Lawandaweldon says
My God Tyra, THANK YOU for this message!
Tiya says
Thank you Lawanda!
Briana Myricks says
Amen to this, fight the temptation! When I feel myself even being remotely tempted, I just get closer to my husband.
Tiya says
That’s right Briana
Omolara Kim says
Well said….
God bless you more for this…..
Tiya says
Thank you!
Jl Davis20 says
help me this really did. i have a husband that will not answer my texts about our misunderstood marriage, that we have. we dont have any children home we have a empty ness. i am not happy and yes i am fighting tempation thanks for this i really mean this i needed this one.
Tiya says
I pray your marriage improves. Continue to ask for what you need and maybe seek outside counseling or guidance
pf says
To the ladies above that took the time to read this article, and were honest enough to put their response on here… I SALUTE YOU! and may God hear your prayers and answer them while Blessing and strengthening your marriages and relationships.
pf says
“what the Lord put together, let no man put asunder.” 1 <3
Desiree Coleman - Blogger says
Great insights! I love the practical steps. We all need to remember why we fell in love in the first place.
Desiree Coleman - Blogger says
Great insights! I love the practical steps. We all need to remember why we fell in love in the first place.
Ginag says
I dunno; I feel like once again, this is just women talking amongst ourselves. Is anyone getting this information to men?! Men aren’t the only ones who like attention.
Desiree says
Great article Tiya!!! What you said was so on point about beware of the subtle things like a comment here or a thought there. Those are the small things that lead to the huge whirlwind of an affair. So, after reading your article, I studied the subject some more and prayed and eventually came up with this post: 7 Ways to Avoid Infidelity https://bit.ly/tvNHji Lemme know what you think. Thanks! Desiree
Tiya says
Desiree, I will definitely check out the article. Thanks for sharing
Andrew says
Ginag us guys are reason this too.
My issue is that as much as I would love to be upfront I feel like I will just make her more insecure and make her feel like she’s inadequate which isnt the case at all. How do I go about bringing up issues to a already self conscience wife?
Tiya says
Andrew,
Thank you for your comment and honesty. It’s all about the way you deliver the information. The best thing to do is come from an angle of what you need not what your spouse is doing wrong. Statements like “I love when you… Or I feel so good when…. happens” is much better than saying “you need to….”
Scott says
Excellent advice Tiya…..it’s all about the delivery.
James says
Wow. Thanks for the advice, I really needed that and from now on I will focus on my spouse and the one can destroy our merriage. Amen