On February 27, 2014, President Barack Obama launched the “My Brother’s Keeper” initiative. The written aim of the initiative is to build ladders of opportunity for boys and young men of color. The unwritten objective is to find a cure for inept parenting.
Parents Just Don’t Understand
Whatever you think about the President’s initiative, two things are true: 1) America has a problem and 2) its problem is not limited to boys and young men of color. America’s problem is parents and that problem most assuredly corrupts more than just boys and young men of color.
The intent of My Brother’s Keeper is to shine the light on governmental actions and inactions, examine failing political policies and assess why there is continual corporate exclusion that hinders the progress of boys and young men of color.
However, no matter what the President does, he cannot do what we won’t do ourselves. We are the ones who have lowered parenting expectations to contemptible levels. We are the ones who resist honest assessment of our parental performance.
We are the ones who have yet to craft a legitimate, specific and measurable plan of action to improve our own situation. We are the ones who appear allergic to hearing and accepting the cold hard facts.
The Cold Hard Facts of African-American Fatherhood
If the truth is supposed to set you free, why are we so afraid of the truth? When did we become so sensitive and allergic to critical self-analysis? Whatever the reasons, we must get over our fears of the truth and we must do so fast. The future of our boys and young men demands that we do so immediately.
Notably, what the President’s initiative fails to mention are the truths about African-American fatherhood – realities that must be acknowledged if we are going to change the future for boys and young men of color.
1. We Are At Least 50% Of Our Problem.
As men, we have to recognize our part in our community’s problems. According to the US Census, only 33.4% of African-American children live in a home which is shared with two married parents and only 4.2% of African-American fathers raise their children alone.
Conversely, 50.9% of African-American children lived in a mother only home. When we do the math, African-American fathers account for a grand total of 37.6% of the residential parenting but we make up 50% of our children’s DNA. It’s past time that we acknowledge that something about those numbers just doesn’t add up.
2. Forfeited Rights of Entitlement.
Fatherhood demands a recognition and acceptance that our time, talent and resources no longer belong to us. When we freely and intentionally make the decision to participate in an activity which could create a child, we accept all the rights, privileges, responsibilities and demands of the potential outcome of our actions.
In life, we all have choices. If you’re not going to honor the word parent, don’t choose to become a father. Not to mention those of us who respect the title of father have grown sick and tired of being lumped into the same category with those who don’t.
3. Progress Demands Struggle.
The late great Frederick Douglass once said “If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning…”
While Mr. Douglass spoke those words in the mid to late 1800s, those words are applicable more than ever today. The world is tough and often times unfair but Frederick Douglass, who lived during slavery, knew something most African-American men don’t know. Immediate gratification is not now nor will it ever be our answer.
So my brothers beware. If it seems too easy, it’s likely going to lead to hardship. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. There truly is no substitute for hard work.
4. Cut The Umbilical Cord, Stop Breast Feeding.
This directive requires the participation of our women and it must be done at once. African-American women must cut the umbilical cord and stop men from breast feeding.
Parenting is a two person process and children can no longer survive off the exclusive or primary efforts of women. The future of our children and the state of our community can no longer afford a scenario where a man sits idly and permits a woman to be the de facto parent and/or sustenance provider.
My Brother’s Keeper
The aforementioned four measures are just a start. Although the President has outlined his intentions – there is much to be done if “My Brother’s Keeper” has a chance of succeeding.
We can’t expect the President’s initiative to succeed if the men who create boys and young men of color aren’t ready and willing to accept these cold hard truths.
I’m willing to look in the mirror. I’m willing to respect my role as father and parent. I’m willing to work hard. I’m willing to cut the umbilical cord and stop breast feeding.
I am my brother’s keeper – what about you?