Dear Current & Future Wives,
Okay, so let me go ahead and get this part out of the way! I know most women reading this first thought will be like “well, here we go again, why is it always about what women need to do.” All I ask you to do is read this letter with an open heart and mind and attempt to try and understand where many men are coming from so that we can bridge gaps and make relationships stronger. Deal???
Know this…your man loves you! Yup, understand that when a man makes the decision to make you his wife, it’s not done because of the flashy wedding, or ring or extra attention. He makes the decision because he loves you and wants to be with you more than anything or anyone else. Sometimes though, once we marry you, there are things that many of us feel are forgotten, and we just want to bring them back to your attention.
1) We want to have sex…. often!
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just because we are some horny animals that just like to hump you. It’s because it helps us to feel connected to you, and it’s one of the biggest ways we express intimacy. It helps us release stress, and it also helps us feel wanted and desired by you.
YES, all of that matters! We know that you won’t always feel like it, and we respect that. But you can’t always have a headache, and you can’t always be too tired. Furthermore, you can’t always act like it’s a task because we want you to want us just like we want you.
The more you make it seem like a task, the less interested we will become, and that’s not good for anyone! If you ask many men what is the No.1 thing driving a wedge in their relationship/marriage this is usually at the top of the list, and it’s not about the orgasm…it’s about the connection.
2) We want to be made a priority!
So many men have grown to just deal with the fact that we are used as a prop or an accessory in the relationship and not a priority. Everything from the kids, to the in-laws, to the church family, to the job, seem to be given attention first. But for some reason, when your husband asks for it, he is too “needy.” Remember you married us and made vows to us, not everything else.
3) We want you to love YOU like we do!
Everything is better in our marriages and relationships when you are feeling good about YOU. When you feel good about yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically, your energy is just better and everything is happier. Truth is we love you beyond your flaws and insecurities, and we want you to do the same things. Yeah, so, YES, we still like you even with those stretch marks or even that little baby pooch .
4) We want you to love us beyond social media!
One thing that makes us feel patronized and upset is when you try harder to look like a great wife than actually being a great wife. When you make it look like you’re happy and that your family is the most important thing, yet behind closed doors, it’s the opposite, and that’s not okay with us. We want YOU and all of you, and we want the same love and attention and effort that you put into social media.
5) Last but not least…. we want to make you happy!
Ladies, we might not always get it right, and we may not always do things 100 percent the way you want us to do it, but know that we do want to see you happy. We want you to be proud of us, and we want to matter to you. We need you, and we want you to need us as well. Instead of everything being an ego struggle or a who’s right vs. who’s wrong struggle, all we really want is for you to try and understand us and then meet us half way.
Is that too much to ask? Can we make that happen??
P.S. Yeah, we know…it goes both ways so…it doesn’t mean we want you to listen any less though!
Sincerely,
Husbands Who Still Care!
BMWK wives, what do you wish your husbands knew about marriage?