A lack of trust in any relationship prevents it from naturally progressing. Couples who struggle in this key area do so for a variety of reasons. Past hurts and baggage, infidelity and personal challenges are just a few of those reasons. And the results of each can severely damage a committed relationship. But don’t fret, an absence of trust doesn’t have to mean the end. If it’s missing from yours, there are some actions you should take to get you both back on track.
Identify the source
Trust was either never present in the marriage or vanished because of something significant.
Is your childhood upbringing a factor? Did people often disappoint you by not staying true to their word? Are you challenged with opening your heart and allowing people in? Have either you or your partner been unfaithful? If so, why? What caused the infidelity? Here’s a hint to answering this question: take the faithful partner out of the equation. It’s easier to blame our failures on others, but the decisions we make are just that, a decision we made. I’ve often heard individuals who’ve committed adultery somehow make it their partner’s fault. We must take full responsibility.
Understanding the source will allow you and your spouse a chance to have an open and honest conversation.
Make a few decisions
If you’re still holding your partner responsible for all the hurt others have caused you over the years, decide whether or not that’s serving you well. If it hasn’t, make a decision about what you want your future relationship to look like. Do you want trust? Do you desire a sense of peace in your home? Do you want to be happy? If what you’re feeling seems a little out of your control, seek resources and professionals to assist you in navigating through.
When infidelity is the culprit, you must decide whether you stay and heal or leave and heal. If you are unable to forgive, ever, decide if that is best for you and your relationship long term. Again, resources and professionals can also help couples move forward and overcome infidelity. Decide what specifically you need to actually forgive, let go and heal, and promptly share that with your partner.
Trust is earned. It isn’t a given that it will freely be offered in any relationship. There are surefire ways to rebuild it when it’s been broken and create it when it’s absent. One way is to communicate honestly and openly about what both partners need for trust to be the solid foundation of their relationship.
BMWK, how can couples rebuild trust in their relationship?