On Monday we ran a guest post which turned out to be very popular and definitely had all of you going as evidenced in the comments section. If you missed the original post by AverageBro you can click here to read it. Our favorite black, British, blogger NML who blogs at baggage reclaim was so moved by what she saw she created a response on the topic. Sit back, enjoy and get ready to comment.
I read AverageBro’s recent post (Why) do (some) black women love thugs and I felt compelled to respond and answer this question because a misguided, ignorant statement from one woman doesn’t represent all of us”...but it does represent some of us. And by us, I don’t just mean black women, I mean ALL women.
Every month I get hundreds of emails from women asking me about some foolhead assclown guy who has been messing them around, blowing hot and cold, trying to keep her whilst he skips home to his wife, pretending that he’s not married, using her as a booty call whilst she thinks that she’s his girlfriend, cheating, beating, and generally all sorts of bad behaviour that seems to be universally accepted by women.
These women are black, white, English, American, Chinese, Australian, French, German, mixed race, and many more from various cultural and religious backgrounds. Being attracted to Thugs, Bad Boys, Assclowns, Chumps, Users, Street Boys, and whatever else you want to label these men by, is not a black thing. It’s a woman thing.
It doesn’t matter whether you are living in the bright city lights, or surrounded by a whole load of mud huts in the middle of Africa, many women do love men that exude DRAMA.
Lauren London and other black women that like men with a bit of street and danger in them, are attracted to “˜thugs’ because they know no better.
They believe that being a black woman is about standing by your man whilst never really knowing if he’s standing by you. It’s about the excitement and drama that comes with a man with a sexy walk that exudes power and the promise of getting screwed really well by him. It’s about trying to win him and be the top girl when you know that so many others want him. It’s about suffering pain for your man and when a woman loves a thug, it doesn’t matter how educated she is, how much money she has, or whether she could have the pick of a better bunch, she. wants. him,
Not all black women love thugs, but the ones that do, do so, because they don’t place a high enough value on themselves. I educate women every day on a core message:
If you want to get a sense of how you feel about yourself; your value and level of self-esteem, take a long hard look at the men you are attracted to and the man you profess to love.
Women choose men that reflect the things that they believe about themselves, hence when they choose men that they end up in bad relationships with, it is because they have negative beliefs about themselves, love, and relationships.
As I stated in my comment on AverageBro’s post
“Lauren London is basically saying “˜I like excitement. I like men who have a whole lotta drama in tow with them because I think that relationships are about drama, ambiguity, and never being too sure of what your man is going to do on any particular day. I’m turned on by power and authority, even if it is a man that walks into a shop and shoots up some people. But I won’t seek out power and authority with a professional black man with his trousers on tight, because he won’t be exciting, and secretly, I don’t think I am good enough to be with a man that isn’t a thug.’
Now personally, this is a stupid statement but we have to remember that this is her truth and whilst I think she might want to think about the image she presents, what I see is a sad, mixed up little girl..talking foolishness.
There are host of reasons why women love inappropriate men and it’s mostly tied in self-esteem and issues with one or both parents, especially fathers. Whether they are totally absent, dipping in and out of your life, or there but only in spirit, millions of women in their adult life are playing out patterns that they’ve had entrenched since childhood.
Let’s be real ““ A lot of black women have one of these fathers and if they’re hanging in the streets and chasing a thug, I’d say that take a good look at their past.
At the end of the day, you can take Lauren London out of the street, but you can’t take the street out of London, and you certainly can’t take out the street mentality.
She may be famous, she may be going places, she may be very talented, but her taste in men certainly has not caught up with her achievements, so Lauren will continue to underachieve with relationships because she doesn’t believe she deserves the attentions of a decent guy.
There are a lot of thugs out there but if a lot more women dealt with their own personal perceptions of themselves, these thugs would have a lot less women to choose from, which may even give them an incentive to change their ways.
Unfortunately, much like with men that cheat, there are always women willing to take on men that others would run a mile from.
And I don’t buy all of the BS about there being no good, black men to date. If you’re attracted to drama and a certain type of man, you’re not even fishing in the right pool to be finding a good man!
I’ve never needed thug loving although I’ve been approached by more than a few here in the UK and the US. And even though I had a strong track record in dating emotionally unavailable assclowns, I was never so hard up or so hard on myself that I’d take it down to street level, because I didn’t really fancy living the street life and clearly had some level of self-esteem!
What I resent though is all black women being tarred with the same brush like we’re a load of thug loving fools. Granted, black women, in fact, all sorts of women make some damn strange choices, but men have their part to play in it too, and whilst women must be accountable for their choices, there is a lot of mixed signals and misleading coming from the species with a penis corner.
Many black women love drama and when they learn to stop loving drama, they’ll lose their interest in thugs and other such men. But until then, there will always be women like Lauren London”...