By Patricia Motley, MSW
So after reading the previous post you realize that you and your spouse are headed towards the friend zone. You are wondering how this has happened, and what you can do to stop it. It’s not to late. As I said earlier, if you both still have that burning desire for one another, then you can get back to where you once were.
First change your expectations. Expect more from one another. You had high expectations before you got married, so why have they changed? Expect to spend time together. Expect to communicate with one another. Expect your spouse to be your emotional support. When you begin to expect less in a marriage, you will get less.
I know that life gets in the way. You go to work all day or if you are a stay at home mom like me ,you are home all day with the kids, and both can be very draining. When you come together with your spouse in the evening you are both exhausted. You eat, play, and put the kids to bed. Now your both tired and want to relax. He wants to watch Monday night football or the DIY channel and she wants to catch up on her favorite housewives and the Wendy Williams shows that are on the DVR. So you retire to different areas in the home. Gone are the days where you are both cuddled on the couch together under a blanket watching a movie.
GET BACK TO THAT!!!!!! Designate a day of the week for a movie night. Whatever day works best for the two of you. You might even want put the kids to bed a little earlier on that night. Pick out the movie in advance (you don’t want to spend time that night deciding what the movie will be) all you are interested in is getting to the couch to cuddle up. Also, set a time to meet on the couch. That will make it feel even more like a date. Just because you are married does not mean that dating stops.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Talk to each other. Continue to be interested in each others hopes and dreams. Sending a text or an email during the day also goes a long way. When I see I have an email from my husband, I drop what I am doing to read it because that is not something that happens often and it brings me back to when we first met. We met blindly (via phone) through a mutual friend. We lived in different states and communicated over the phone and through email for a month before we physically met. When I get an email from him it takes me back to that time. I have all of our emails saved and where they once filled my inbox, over the past 5 years they have become few and far between so when I do get one it makes me smile. So send something to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Even if it is just “Hi Babe, I love you.”
Now for the good stuff…lol.
How does that Olivia Newton-John song go?
“Let’s get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let’s get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk”
I know, I know I am showing my age, but seriously, we are talking about your spouse. Your helpmate. The love of your life. GET PHYSICAL!
Every now and then my husband and I get into that routine of the 4 pecks. What is that you ask? It is when you can predict those 4 kisses you get during the day.
- When you leave each other in the morning
- When you come back together in the evening
- One random one, perhaps after dinner
- When you say goodnight
You’re sitting there counting in your head the amount of times you and your spouse kiss during the day aren’t you? You can admit it, it is 4 isn’t it? And they are not even real kisses, they are just quick pecks. Now that you realize you are in the routine of the 4 pecks, fix it. How about turning at least one of those pecks into a deeper more passionate kiss. Don’t be shy. Have fun with it.
Another thing you can do is try committing do doing something intimate everyday for 7 days. Remember this list from Part 1?
- Holding hands
- Sweet talk
- Kissing
- Cuddling
- Fondling
- Having sex
It doesn’t have to be making love every night but hey if you can do it, go for it! Just something intimate and passionate. It is important to take and make the time to be intimate with one another in a marriage.I know it may not always be easy. Some of you may even have kids in your bed. We have been there. Get creative, you have other rooms in your home don’t you? Use your imagination! And eventually, GET YOUR BED BACK.
So as I conclude this post, think about what you read. If you feel like you can relate to these posts, share them with your spouse. Remember to communicate. It’s time for you to stop being friends and start being spouses.
BMWK, can you incorporate these into your routine?
Patricia is a stay at home mom who has recently developed a love for blogging. You can read her blog Never Balanced at https://neverbalanced.com/ She resides in New Jersey with her husband, Rick and two children. Patricia holds a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Rutgers University.