A topic that has come up often recently in my conversations around relationships is about how to effectively become better in our relationships. It’s easy and very safe to say “I want to be a better husband, a better lover or a better father.” How do we truly implement the change to become better in whatever way we would like to improve our relationships? There are two important ingredients to consider when we decide we want to change for the good of our relationships.
Be Specific
As a relationship coach, I can share that “being vague” is an epidemic with people who would like to make a change in their lives and relationships. It’s so easy to say you want to become a better husband. What specific steps are you willing to implement daily to do so? It’s great to say you want to serve your wife, but how do you plan to do so? If you want to implement change effectively, I suggest you select three specific changes and incorporate them in your life for a specific time frame (let’s say 30 days).
Consider this example of being a better husband: Make a decision to call your wife each time you are out and you haven’t talked to see if she needs anything. Second, ask her what you can do to help her out today. Finally, do something to pamper her every day for thirty days. They can be simple things, they don’t have to be elaborate. Give her a massage, run her a bubble bath, rub her feet as she tells you about her day or take a chore off of her hands that she normally does—without her having to ask you to do it! If you find specific ways to do work towards becoming better as a mate in your relationship, you will get very specific appreciation and response for doing a better job of being a husband.
Effort
In life, we don’t always get an A for effort. Life simply doesn’t work that way, especially in a capitalistic, results driven society. Relationships and marriages are a bit different. Many of my female clients have felt if their man would at least display effort, he would get the benefit of the doubt.
Effort that is genuine doesn’t cost anything and is often rewarded beyond what it deserves.
The key to making any relationship work is to put forth the genuine work and effort to do so. Relationships don’t exist on autopilot and routines have a place but a routine can quickly make a relationship become stagnant.
If you want the most out of your relationship and you really want to become better in your relationship, putting forth the maximum effort to serve and please your spouse is the minimum requirement in successful relationships. Effort alone can’t carry a relationship, but putting forth effort shows your spouse that she’s the most important thing in your life and you will work as diligently as possible to treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Being specific in what we do for our spouses and putting forth genuine effort is a foundation for what we can do to become better in our relationships. If you start with a foundation of putting in the specific work to better yourself and your relationship, you are on your way to building a great relationship.
BMWK: Are you specific in your intentions to be better in your relationships?