I think we’ve either all been there, or we are there right now – wondering how to figure out if the person we are with is “the one.” After all, the last thing any of us really want to do is spend our time investing in a relationship that just isn’t going anywhere. We want to feel like our time is being well spent and that we are choosing to be with the person we were meant to be with. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
Is your relationship perfect? I doubt it. Relationships really never are. That’s why I am not going to make it seem like things need to be perfect for things to be right. Actually, if things seem too perfect, it can be an indication that things are all wrong. The imperfections in a relationship are what make it special.
Here are a few things I think women should look out for if they are trying to figure out whether or not the imperfect man in their life is “the one.”
- You are truly yourself around him. It’s painful for me to watch a friend behaving differently around someone she’s dating. It makes me feel like she is scared that he won’t fall for the real her. And truthfully, if you are worried that a guy won’t fall for the real you, he doesn’t deserve the fake you either.
- You are comfortable sharing your past with him. Hold up. I am not suggesting that you tell this man every single detail of your past (especially the stuff you really aren’t proud of). But I think you should be comfortable sharing stories about events that have made you who you are.
- He inspires you to be a better person. He doesn’t have to share the exact same personal dreams that you have, because your dreams belong to you. However, he should have a spirit about him that makes you want to do better and be better.
- You aren’t hiding him from anyone. This just means that you love him and you don’t really care who else knows. If you have to keep your man away from your family and friends, something just isn’t right. It doesn’t mean he won’t be “the one” for you one day (maybe you are still seeking approval from everyone about your decisions), but it does mean that you aren’t quite ready yet.
- You share the same values. To build a life with someone who doesn’t share your values and your belief system is not easy. Whether it’s the role that faith plays in your life or your thoughts on having children, you should be with someone whose beliefs are in line with your own.
- He makes you laugh. I mean a deep, honest laugh. The kind of laugh that makes you feel joy and freedom all at once. When someone makes you laugh like that – consistently – it’s pretty special.
- He doesn’t fight dirty. I think all couples have arguments and fights. However, I don’t think that fighting dirty is ever necessary. If you are with someone who resorts to name calling, bringing up things you may be ashamed of, or being just being plain mean, it’s not a good sign.
- He gives you something that no one else can. Everyone describes this feeling differently. Some women say “ he completes me,” while others say “he’s my other half.” And some people, like me, just say, “my life is better with him.” No matter how you slice it, it boils down to feeling like he adds something to your life that no one else can. He makes your life better.
BMWK Family, How did you know your partner was “the one”?