by Desiree Coleman
Are you an adoring wife dealing with a man who is suffering from M.B.S. (Mama’s Boy Syndrome)? If so, you understand the challenges of having a man who puts his mama first, while you or your family take the backseat. It’s a difficult situation, so here are four tips to help you cope:
Do a litmus test ““ Not every man who is sensitive to the needs of his mother is a “mama’s boy.” Here’s the real test: if he had to choose between your family and his mama, who would he prioritize as most important? For example, if you planned a day of family activities, but mama calls and needs help at the grocery store, what would take precedence? Is your family his #1 priority or does he allow mama’s requests for his time, talent and treasures to trump your family’s needs? Every man should be considerate and caring of his mother, but no man should consistently put his mother before his own family.
Stop trying to convince him ““ If you’ve determined he is in fact a mama’s boy, what next? Wives possess a sixth sense like ninjas that provides great perception, but men lack this. Therefore, after bringing the issue to his attention, you will have to give him the time and space to come to his own realization about his behavior. Even if your accusations are true, he has to recognize the problem for himself before changing. Nagging and complaining will not help. Once you’ve made your concerns about his M.B.S. behavior known, be quiet and stop bringing it up.
Don’t disrespect your husband (even when he’s wrong) ““ Scenario: you check the bank statement and he’s spent the last $200 on fixing his mama’s orthopedics. Yes, he was wrong for not consulting you, but busting up the family reunion to confront him will not fix the situation. Neither will name-calling or public humiliation. In fact, all of the above will worsen the situation and he’ll be less receptive. So do your part to help the situation by not disrespecting your man.
Leave and cleave ““ This is a principle that your husband missed during marriage counseling. Or maybe he fell asleep during Jumping the Broom. The real problem with a mama’s boy is that they are not “all in.” In other words, he’s so strongly connected to his mama that he is unable or unwilling to make her 2nd place so that you and your family can take 1st place. Leaving and cleaving is like building a bird’s nest. Your family’s nest will never be solid if he’s taking all the worms and twigs back to his mama’s nest.
Leaving and cleaving is a concept that you, as his wife, probably won’t be able to teach him. So, consider a male cousin, uncle, religious leader or wise co-worker who can help him understand the importance of putting his own family first. You will undoubtedly need some divine intervention to change your husband’s heart and help him to realize how his actions negatively impact your feelings and your family, but change is possible, so be patient.
Dealing with a mama’s boy can be a challenging family dynamic, but these four principles will help you to approach the situation properly so that your man can realize how his behavior is detrimental to building a strong and lasting family.
Desiree S. Coleman is a blogger and freelance writer who inspires healthy, whole relationships. Her blog, The Love Journey,(www.thelovejourney.com) offers useful tips for singles, as well as, fresh and fun insights on marriage and relationships.