It happens. Occasionally in a marriage you might find a couple who has checked out. They seem to be going through the motions, and physically present, but their mind and heart might be slowly creeping away. It’s easy, when you feel like this, to throw in the towel. It makes sense that one wouldn’t even want to try anymore, or for feelings of hopelessness to set in. Sometimes you feel like you’ve already said and done all that you needed to do, with little result. So why try anymore, right?
Marriage can be one of the most difficult relationships to maintain. However, in order for it to work, it is a must that we be more than physically present. Just like we can’t just sit in a parked car and expect to arrive at our destination, we can’t just sit still in a marriage and expect it to blossom. We also have to start the ignition, put the right gears into place and move it. I challenge everyone in a mediocre marriage to take action, now.
If you find both you and your spouse just going through the motions, picture yourself being successful in love and consider these ideas on recapturing your spouse’s attention.
Engage in meaningful conversation with your spouse. How often, in a marriage, do we discuss our passions, turn ons, hopes, dreams, plans for the future? When we’re only physically present, our communication tends to be quite basic, by only talking about the things we have to talk about. Find some time to talk about the things you both want to actually discuss. Eliminate the nagging and bothersome conversation in order to make room for more exciting conversations.
Make your home and your arms a safe haven. Creating a home of peace that both partners look forward to coming home to, should be every couple’s goal. Who wants to fight with the world and then come home to fight with their life partner too? As a spouse, we have to focus on ways to help our mate relieve some of the pressures they feel. Being physical with hugs, kisses, and massages can easily do the trick.
Check in with your spouse, frequently. This does not include complaining about all the things that are wrong. However, it does include asking how they feel, what they need, and what you can do to make them feel good.
Plan something to help you escape the routine. Nothing zaps the energy out of a marriage more, than doing the exact same thing over and over again. Enjoy an overnight stay at a hotel, a weekend getaway, or go out to eat instead of cooking. Sometimes it’s healthy to switch it up a bit. It’s our responsibility as a spouse, to help keep the marriage alive and well.
Put some effort into your appearance. Who gets excited about coming home to a shlumpadinka? Wives, do your hair, look sexy from time to time. Husbands, maintain your grooming, put some energy into getting dressed and looking good. Another goal of a spouse is to turn your partner on. When you look hot, you feel hot too.
Simply put married folks, you have to make an effort. Treat your marriage the same way you would anything you were truly passionate about and wanted to save. Love on your spouse, pour into your marriage, and be the best damn spouse possible.
BMWK, what have you done to either recapture or maintain your spouse’s attention?