The time of year where American children have the opportunity to collectively celebrate fathers is nearly here. Father’s Day, the third Sunday in June, is the National Holiday that commemorates fathers. More than celebrating fathers, Father’s Day is a referendum on the paternal unions existing between fathers and children and the societal influence fathers have on their children.
Test Taking Time
The month of June, which is also associated with Summer Break, is a period of national assessment. There are evaluations for everyone during June. Parents assess teachers, teachers assess students, students assess teachers, and parents assess schools. Yet, throughout all the assessments there is one assessment that is conspicuously absent – the assessment of parents.
While there are no national standards or evaluation requirements for parents, it might be high time that our community set our own standards and raise our levels of expectations. I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of hearing, watching and reading reports detailing the academic, economic and societal woes of our community.
While we would like to believe that many of the “negative” measurements are statistical outliers, blatant lies and national norms, we mustn’t let these beliefs keep us from working to improve. The fact remains that if one in our community is hurting, uneducated or on the path to self-destruction, we are all hurting, uneducated and on the path to self-destruction.
William James famously quoted “A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, and life is after all a chain”. Therefore if the African American community is going to reach the heights that were dreamed about by the formational fathers (Dr. King, Dr. DuBois, Malcolm X, Frederick Douglas, Marcus Garvey, etc.), then collectively we are going to have to strengthen our individual links. Or, it will only be a matter time before community chain breaks and we are collectively stuck.
Fathers First
I believe the key to strengthening each link and changing our community so that future negative measurements will be outliers rather than the norm is to assess the communal state of parenting. Father’s Day feels like a perfect time to begin this assessment.
The first and easiest observation would be in recognizing that all fathers are not the same. Yet on Father’s Day, all Fathers are celebrated equally. Many children misguidedly regard fathers as good fathers without being equipped to measure what a good father looks like. Some fathers deem themselves great fathers solely because we measure ourselves against the norm or worse – those fathers parenting below or far below average. This is an absurd way to celebrate a day about such an important relationship – fathers and children.
In an effort to provide some context for great parenting, to make the absurd logical, to clarify great fathering, I have provided five characteristics of G.R.E.A.T. fathers.
- Goal Setters – Great fathers are goal setters who don’t simply set goals for their children but they set goals for themselves. Great fathers are driven to provide their children with opportunities that they did not have themselves and they are similarly driven to improve their own lives each day. Great fathers are not stagnate or satisfied with the status quo, they set S.M.A.R.T. goals that they and their children can work to achieve.
- Respectful – Great fathers are reverent of both the woman who bore their child and the woman who gave them life. Regardless of the personal relationship that exists with the mother of their child, great fathers personify humility. There is no benefit for the child when fathers allow arrogance to impregnate the mother for the second time – this time with animosity. Great fathers live a life that honors both their children and their mother.
- Enthusiastic – Great fathers are passionate about their children and life. Great fathers have an insatiable desire to get up in the morning, to have a chance to improve upon the previous day and to spend meaningful time with their children. For great fathers, there is nothing more urgent in life than making sure their child knows in words and deeds how important they are to him. Great fathers will not let the sun set without saying “I love you” to their child.
- Accountable – Great fathers are responsible for their children. Great fathers are dependable. Great fathers consider it their prime directive that they alone are able to provide for their children mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Great fathers are disciplined and do not mass produce children that they are incapable of caring for, providing for and protecting sufficiently and equally.
- Truthful – Great fathers are honest about themselves and critical of their shortcomings. Great fathers realize that truths which are convenient or harsh are no less truths. When great fathers behave or conform to statistical lows, they confront those realities with brutal integrity. Great fathers recognize that we all fall down but only the great fathers get up, stand up and develop a plan to stay up. Great fathers refuse to let today’s faults become tomorrow’s failures.
Happy Father’s Day!
Rather than waiting on or expecting our children to give us a gift, let’s give them a gift. Let’s all take the G.R.E.A.T. father assessment and work each day to be a G.R.E.A.T. father. Our children need and deserve great fathers. If we are ever going to have a happily ever after, our community can ill afford anymore weak links.
BMWK – Will you be a G.R.E.A.T father or a weak link?