Did you marry a dreamer—someone who’s excited to share with you the latest and greatest new invention that will change the world forever? My husband did.
I pride myself on my creativity. I can sit and think about ways to change the world or how to make things easier for folks. And with every single idea I have, I usually run right to my husband to share.
Now in each of those moments, he could have laughed, discouraged me or even mocked those ideas. He never did. Although occasionally, he’s had to bring me back to reality, but I have always felt supported. When I decided to become a relationship coach, he was there. When I decided to start blogging, again more support. When I created and sold t-shirts, he was there. And when I decided to write my first book, he was my No. 1 supporter and promoter. My husband knows he married a dreamer. At times, it might be a challenge for him, putting up with all the new ideas, but he does it anyway. I’m sure he isn’t the only one who has married one of those rose-tinted-glasses-wearing, anything-is-possible-if-you-just-believe types. If you did too, this one is for you.
Even when it gets frustrating and you have to deflate those dream balloons from time to time (when you just know it won’t work), understand there is a way to love and support a spouse like this. Here are just a few suggestions:
1. Listen even when you don’t want to
When it seems like there is a nonstop stream of ideas, it can become overwhelming. But let your spouse at least know they can always share that creativity with you. Your being attentive is key.
2. Use “and” instead of “but”
I heard a phrase recently, which states, “after every ‘but’ BS will follow.” That’s because “but” usually negates what was said previously. We can easily replace “but” with “and” to have an even greater impact on our partners and their new ideas. Instead of saying, “That’s a great idea, but what if you did this,” replaced it with “That’s a great idea and what if you added this.” It makes a difference when it comes to supporting our partners in life. This change alone will do wonders with the communication in your relationship.
3. Add your ideas or assistance when feasible
Keep an eye out for ideas or things that make fostering that dream a little easier. When you see resources that can help your partner’s goals, share them with your spouse. Nothing feels better than having a spouse who truly supports you in word and deed. For example, my husband has ordered me recorders, headsets and other little knickknacks to make my coaching and blogging even easier. Even if he never ever said the words “I support you,” I can feel it by his actions alone. Make sure your spouse feels your support over everything.
4. Inquire about their ideas
Ask about those dreams your partner mentioned in the past if you haven’t heard anything in awhile. Especially if they seemed really excited about it. A little discouragement could have set in. Hearing you ask about it will definitely provide the motivation they will need to keep moving forward.
5. Praise your partner’s strengths and gifts
Remind them of how truly amazing they are. Sometimes dreamers forget what they’ve overcome in the past or how talented they really are (especially after setbacks or failures). Part of being a great spouse is knowing how to massage your partner’s ego. Your mentality should be: no one is better than my spouse. And from time to time, it feels good for them to hear just that.
6. Be honest but gentle with your concerns
The truth is sometimes it’s just not the best time for certain ideas. Dreamers sometimes don’t consider big picture or don’t see the long term. Another of your responsibilities will be to lovingly bring them back to reality. When you do this, it’s helpful if you have other possible solutions. It’s difficult to hear that something simply won’t work without there being an alternative for making it work.
As a dreamer, I sometimes feel like I can take on the world. A lot of what I’ve accomplished professionally was because my husband shared in my dreams. He didn’t doubt, belittle or crush.
If you have a spouse who is still discovering and becoming who they were meant to be, be sure to support them in this journey. Your belief usually means more than anything.
BMWK: Do you think spouses should offer full support to the dreamer in the relationship or is there a line in which they shouldn’t? What suggestions would you offer for supporting your partner’s dreams?