Unfortunately, far too many couples would rather keep their marriage woes a deep, dark, and dirty secret. Some think if they ignore the problem, it will automatically disappear. Not true. It only persists. Honestly, there shouldn’t be any shame in reaching out and sharing your truth in order to receive the help you need.
The reasons couples typically steer clear of working with relationship professionals do vary.
Our perceptions of counseling or coaching is that some stranger is going to get all up in our business and find a way to blame us for the problems that exist in our relationship.
Related: In case you were curious, here are 5 ways preventative marriage counseling can help your marriage
In a lot of the work I’ve done with couples, men have usually been the most reluctant. It was obvious in their body language and the limited amount of information they were willing to share. There were obviously some assumptions being made. All of which were quickly cleared up the moment we began our coaching sessions and I laid out the ground rules.
For some men there is a fear of judgement. If they were already feeling as though they had to defend themselves in their home, it’s discouraging to think the same has to be done outside of the home as well.
Many of us were raised to keep what happens in the home, inside the home. We were taught, from a very young age, not to air our dirty laundry.
Another large majority of men believe it may be a waste of time. If the problems aren’t being resolved within the marriage, how could an outsider possibly know how to help? It’s hard enough sometimes for men to open up to their women, so expressing themselves to a stranger might feel a little odd.
One more belief about seeking help for men is that it represents something they can’t fix. Men sometimes pride themselves on being protectors, providers, and problem solvers. So the idea of not being in control of this situation might be a little frightening.
All of these concerns are valid. However, there are benefits that come from counseling and coaching that will completely transform your marriage.
Having an outside perspective, someone who can be objective with nothing to gain by taking sides, can offer you a fresh approach as well as ideas you haven’t considered. Sometimes, we’re just too close to a situation to see a resolution. A relationship professional is trained to listen between the lines and catch the things a couple might just miss.
Another benefit from relationship coaching is that both partners are held accountable and challenged to take responsibility. Both are called to the carpet and have to confess the roles they played in the relationship having taken this particular turn.
Related: When experiencing challenges in your relationship, each person can start taking responsibility by following these steps
No matter what the situation is, it usually isn’t just one partner to blame. The fact that the blame game isn’t allowed also eases the concerns for many of the husbands that refuse counseling.
One key fact is that all counseling and coaching sessions are confidential. Professionals don’t share your business or discuss your relationship behind your back. So knowing you are in a safe place to share will remove some of the hesitation a couple may be experiencing. It is an environment where both partners are completely heard and not judged.
The biggest advantage of all for working with a relationship professional is that they were trained to not only understand the human mind, but to also be knowledgeable on the dynamics of a relationship.
They are equipped with resources, exercises and tools you can use to maintain, heal and save your marriage. With a divorce rate of nearly 50%, couples have to get over the negative beliefs associated with relationship coaching and do what’s necessary to improve their marriage. The benefits far exceed the concerns and doubts.
BMWK, have you and your spouse ever tried relationship coaching? What has been the result?