by Desiree Miller
You don’t know me.
You think you do.
I see the judgment in your eyes. I hear the rumors you spread behind my back. I know you make assumptions.
But you don’t KNOW me.
And honestly, I don’t think I want to know you anymore, either.
Because a real friend would have offered comfort, instead of secretly criticizing.
A true friend would have said hello when she saw me, instead of pretending I was invisible.
A good friend would still invite me to her parties, even if it made others uncomfortable, because a good friend would know NOW is when I need a friend most.
Being separated and contemplating divorce, going through the heartache of what is best for me, my children, and even my husband, is grueling. Trying to figure out how much to forgive, what love can truly endure, whether to end it forever or give it yet another try…or how to go anywhere from here…it’s the toughest decision I’ve ever had to make. And I don’t have the only vote.
This place where I am now…it’s lonely.
And it’s easy for you to sit with your friends, to make my life your favorite new topic of conversation. But it’s not easy for me. It’s not easy to know you, whose children I’ve babysat, who I’ve hosted in my home for countless parties, or who I’ve spent time with on girls’ trips out of town, to know you now find fodder in my pain.
And how dare you pretend to know? You don’t have the details of what is happening between us. You think you know. But I promise you don’t. I’m trying to protect my children by not sharing every dirty detail of what has happened to my marriage, in my marriage, with the masses. I am trying to make this as pain-free as possible. But you…you are not helping.
You are not helping me get through my grief by sharing ‘the latest in my love loss’ at the bus stop.
You are not helping by discussing it with your girlfriends, in front of your children, who then repeat everything you say to my children.
My children will hear what they need to hear from us, their parents, so save your gossip. Try instead, to show them true friends stand by each other. They step up in times like these, and offer a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, stop by to share a smile. I don’t know about you, but I believe my children need to know that.
And you need to know that still being my friend doesn’t somehow put you in danger.
DIVORCE IS NOT CONTAGIOUS.
Spending time with me won’t make your marriage fall apart. And I promise, this sadness is the last thing I’d want to spread to you.
But being there for me. That would sure take a little of my sadness off my shoulders. It would mean the world to know you truly care. That you ARE a friend.
Because here’s the thing: one day, something is going to happen to you that is going to make you sad, too.
And your friends who find it so much fun to talk about me now, will be talking about you then.
And when they see you, they’ll pretend you are invisible. Because it makes them uncomfortable.
And you will realize.
They don’t know you.
Not really.
You will not be invisible then. And I am not invisible now.
Desiree Miller is an award-winning freelance writer and vlogger who shares a daily dose of humor, hope and inspiration on her web site, Stress-free, baby! She has four children and loves travel, tennis, dark chocolate, dancing and a good belly laugh.