It has to be for me and on my terms. I CANNOT lose weight for him or them.
This is very personal. I am actually surprised that I am sharing it. You know that a woman’s weight is one of those subjects that is just off limits unless you are talking to your close friend or your mother. And for many of us, this short list includes our husband. I can talk to my husband about most anything to include my weight. Now, it’s not something we talk about often. But, I do bring the conversation up.
Poor eating habits and going through somebody’s drive-up window several times a week caused expansion in my body all the way around. My belly was so big I called myself Mrs. Claus. Yet I continued to make poor food choices.
As I watched the scale go up and up, 3 nagging thoughts popped in my mind:
- Why can’t I just do this, I know what to do?
- How can I plan to eat right when I’m always rushing from place to place?
- Am I still attractive to my husband? [this was the big one]
I can’t say I tried everything to lose weight because I didn’t. I enjoyed eating whatever I wanted. Yet, that nagging question was in my head. “Is he still attracted to me at this size?” The only way to get an answer was to ask. Speculation just wouldn’t be healthy.
It used to bother me that I weighed more than my husband but I soon got over that; he’s a “skinny man” as he calls himself. Everyone in my house is small; I used to be too. Not anymore, I am much larger than the day we got married. Granted it has been 26 years… but is he looking for that girl? Well, she is right here, just underneath a few layers of cushion.
I told you speculation is not good. I asked the burning question. “Are you still attracted to me?” He told me that was never a thought that entered his mind. I was his wife and of course he was attracted to me. He said if I wanted to lose weight I had to do it for me.
Was he ever right! You cannot and should not lose weight for the person you are in relationship with. You can’t do it for your mother, father, or your children. And yes, my mother, father, and children have told me about my weight in an effort to show concern.
Well, a little more than a month ago I started to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. The discomfort got stronger and stronger, both mentally and physically. This was my sign it was time to give it another shot to lose weight, not for my husband, not for my kids, but for me.
Now instead of dreading the empty self made promise to eat better that comes with each Monday morning, there was excitement to get it done. This is a new journey and I am only at the beginning, but I am making strides in the right direction and seeing results.
I cannot lose weight for HIM, nor should you. I made this decision for me and he can benefit from my decision.
Self love and self care are for you. Others may reap some benefit of a strong healthy you… but don’t get it confused, the reason for doing what you’re doing is for you.
BMWK- I shared that I am beginning this journey for me. What journey are you on just for you?