by Gwen Jimmere
If I had a daughter, I’d teach her that her black is beautiful 366 days a year, 8 days a week, 25 hours a day. I’d teach her that she is to be proud, yet grateful, to have the distinction of being a black woman. That she is to be honored, yet humbled to reside in this hue of greatness.
I’d sit her in front of a mirror every day and rave about how high her cheekbones are. How broad her nose is. How full her lips are. I’d instill the self confidence in her that society will undoubtedly attempt to take away. But she’d know better. Because her mother disallowed such nonsense. And mommy knows best.
I’d refuse her whines and surely incessant pleas to relax her hair. She need not “fix” her hair with the “creamy crack,” for there’d be nothing to fix. I’d teach her to adore the pure awesomeness, versatility, strength and passion of her regal crown. She would be raised with the knowhow to straighten her hair, if she chose to, even without heat. She’d never have to shy away from a body of water for she’d be a natural hair connoisseur. “Natural hair” would not be an anomaly to her. It would be the standard; the only option. And one day, she’d thank me for it.
I’d teach her to be aware of the food she puts into her body; where it comes from and how far it travels to get to her plate. Ignorance is not bliss. Not in the long run.
If I had a daughter, I’d teach her to swim. I’d teach her to read music and play piano, violin, harp, and saxophone. I’d teach her to speak three languages other than her native tongue. I’d expose her to volleyball, softball, karate, and basketball, as well as equestrian, figure skating, fencing and lacrosse. She’d be far from a stereotype.
I’d teach her to know her true history, above and beyond what the HIS-story books at school tell her. To know where she came from and to know where she’s going. To be inspired by the Oprahs, the Lenas, the Harriets and the Michelles. I’d teach her to love herself. That her worth and her beauty does not lie in the validation of a man, nor does it reside in the hands of a societal perception. I’d teach her that her body is her temple; that she was to respect it and demand others to do the same.
I’d teach her to be independent in this world. That her education was priority number one. That she needed to apply herself to be whatever it is in this sinful world she dreamt of being. I’d teach her never to let anyone, even me, deter me from her dream. And I’d teach her that a dream is nothing without a solid plan and concerted action.
I’d teach her about finances from an early age. She would start saving a portion of her lemonade stand sales in a high yield interest account. She’d know to diversify her portfolio and she’d know how to do it with her eyes closed. She’d understand that her ancestors provided her the opportunity to work smarter and not harder so that she could easily retire a millionairess by the time she’s Nana and Pah-pah’s age.
If I had a daughter, I’d teach her to love with every fiber of her being. I’d teach her that marrying well meant marrying the person with the biggest heart, not necessarily the biggest wallet. But I’d also teach her reality; that unfortunately, all marriages don’t last, and she’d need to have ensured a secure financial future for herself and her children through her aformentioned solid education and diligent savings. I’d teach her to never stay in an emotionally, verbally or physically abusive relationship for financial benefit or because her husband makes all the money. She’d be able to bring home the bacon and fry it a pan just as well as he. She’d be able to fend for herself and her children…just in case. She’d know to plan for a rainy day, but always expect rainbows and sun beams.
I’d teach her all the things my mother taught me and more.
Gwen Jimmere is an award-winning and nationally syndicated editor who authored the relationship manual for young women, If It Walks Like a Duck”...and Other Truths My Mother Taught Me. She blogs about relationships, dating, marriage and parenting at The Duck Walk and works in social media/digital marketing.