I’m a jealous spouse. Whew, there I said it. I’m usually ashamed to admit that and in my earlier relationships I would never allow that side of me to be revealed. Now that I’m married, I’m all in, so those not so cute parts of me have permission to show up. My husband knows it, and my closest girlfriends and family do too. I’m blessed to say I have a pretty good handle on how to manage it well, but it’s there. My jealous side shows whenever a female crosses the line, gets too familiar with my husband, or totally ignores the fact that I exist. For those of us in relationships I think our eyes are always open. I’m definitely not the type to confront the woman, but I will address my concerns to my husband and support him in taking any necessary actions. I can say we’ve been blessed as we both have been great about honoring our commitment to one another. I still have to be mindful in my marriage while I manage my jealousy without allowing it to interfere with how I love on my spouse.
I’ve found some amazing ways to battle that green-eyed monster whenever she shows up. Praying that spirit away is first and foremost, but here are just a few additional ideas.
1. Discover where these feelings emerged. If you have been betrayed before, you’re probably just looking to protect your heart. Another good habit is to think of how your current partner is different from the one who hurt you before. In my past, I had to kiss a few frogs before I found my prince. So, yes my heart has been broken and who would ever want to experience that again. With that being said, it’s still a must that I remember how my husband differs from the men in my past. He’s gentle with my heart and makes me a priority. I trust his words, actions and love. Being aware of who hurt you and not allowing it to affect who’s trying to love you now is key.
2. Consider the consequences that come as a result of our jealousy. Over time it damages the relationship. Can you imagine your whereabouts being questioned constantly, or having to continuously convince someone you’re being faithful? It’s exhausting and there’s only so much a person can take before they break or decide to leave. We must count the cost and realize the very real possibility that it could end our relationship. If we have a partner who has been nothing but faithful, we must fight that negative thinking with everything we have.
3. Remember jealousy isn’t attractive at all. It takes away from our character and causes us to show up as someone we don’t even recognize. We can lose ourselves being so caught up in the “what ifs”. It’s draining. We have to be willing to release and begin the process of trust.
4. Talk to someone you trust who can assist you in managing your jealousy. There’s nothing like a great friend or family member who will tell you the truth, even when you’d rather not hear it. Being told you need to stop tripping because you have a great spouse is exactly what you may need to hear to shift your focus back to your good spouse.
5. Be who you want your partner to be in the relationship. Be trustworthy, faithful, cook (if that’s your thing and your spouse’s desire), and be intimate frequently. Doing what you’re supposed to do in your relationships sometimes calms the self-doubt. We’re a little more confident when we’re taking good care of home. In some cases this unfortunately doesn’t matter, but for the majority of marriages, taking care of home makes all the difference.
Unfortunately love sometimes brings out the worse in us. It causes us to be jealous and do or say things that cause us shame later on. I’ve seen jealousy eat away at relationships. Our painful past and personal insecurities get in the way of our loving properly. Praying that spirit away and using the steps above helps us easily move forward to create a healthy relationship that brings out the best in us.
BMWK: How do you handle any jealousy that shows up in your relationship?